Posted by Gary Chalk on Feb 6, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |
Living Retired — ‘My Senior Moment’
By Gary Chalk.
As baby boomers age, we tend to become forgetful.
“Jan, have you seen my car keys? I have looked everywhere.”
“Sorry, Gary I am looking for my glasses. Let me know if in your travels looking for your car keys if you see my glasses.”
“Oh. Maybe that is why I can’t find my keys. First, I should look for my glasses so I can see my keys.”
Missing everyday items are examples of ‘senior moments.’ These days my senior moments seem to happen as frequently as I get up to pee during the night.
The experts who research senior moments — scientists with a government grant to study mice to see how often they misplace their iPhones — say senior moments take on a new meaning when we reach age 40. Truth be told, that was so long ago for me that I can’t remember.
I had a senior moment last week. It wasn’t any old senior moment like misplacing my wallet. It was a real doozy. Here is what happened…
My morning routine is the same, day in and day out. I stand at the bathroom sink. Half asleep … Read the rest here Read More
Posted by Gary Chalk on Jan 23, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Shreddies, Uncategorized |
Living Retired — ‘Sneaking Snacks.’
By Gary Chalk.
It is about 9 o’clock in the evening. I am writing this weeks Living Retired column downstairs in my office. The lights are turned off. I can see only because of the light coming from my computer screen. I don’t want Jan to find me because I am snacking. Quietly, I slowly ripped open a package of Oreo cookies, double stuffed, chocolate. If I am lucky this should be just about enough for me to finish the column.
Jan is upstairs in her office. She is on ancestry.com researching her family roots. She ignored my suggestion that she specifically look for rich relatives because we are planning a vacation to Ireland and need a place to stay. The point is, Jan is snacking. She has a little bowl filled with Honey Shreddies — her snack of choice. The door to her office is closed.
How do I know Jan is sneaking Shreddies? When I walked past her office the evidence was in plain view on the floor: a SHREDDIE! (In hindsight I should have preserved this evidence and marked the scene with ‘Police Do Not Cross’ tape.)
Jan and I often … Read the rest here Read More
Posted by Gary Chalk on Jan 2, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |
Living Retired – ‘One Step Forward, One Step Back’
By Gary Chalk
Frequently Jan uses the word ‘step.’ If we are going shopping and she is waiting in the car for me, she is likely to say, “Gary, step on it!”
When I pull our car into the parking lot of one of those mammoth shopping outlet centres when Jan gets out of the car she will say, “Gary, I have some serious shopping to do. Step out of my way!”
When we dance it is, “Gary you’re stepping on my toes again.”
So yesterday when I mentioned that I was going to begin to use the step counter app on my iPhone I expected Jan to say something like “That will be a step in the right direction, Gary.” Or, “Begin with baby steps.” Instead, she said, “Gary, step aside. Can’t you see I am busy doing Wordle.”
“Jan, I thought you’d be interested in my fitness?”
“Gary, I need a five-letter word that ends with ‘s.’”
The first word that came to my mind was ‘steps’ — but because Jan uses step so often, I assumed she had thought of it. I thought I would pull her leg, … Read the rest here Read More
Posted by Gary Chalk on Dec 19, 2022 in Breaking glasses, Christmas humor, Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |
Living Retired — ‘SMASH!’
By Gary Chalk
SMASH! There goes another one of our wine glasses.
These days Jan has become a one-woman wrecking machine. It seems whenever she washes our drinking glasses, or removes them from the dishwasher, she manages to break one. It is now to the point that it is our cupboards — not the glasses — that are half full.
Is Jan trying to break our glasses thinking I will excuse her from cleaning up after we eat? Is she hoping to go on a shopping trip to purchase new glassware? Maybe she thinks I will buy some for Christmas.
“Jan, you’re not trying to break our drinking glasses on purpose are you?”
She laughed. “I don’t know what is happening Gary. I seem to be breaking glasses every day.”
In the past few weeks wine glasses, martini glasses, and champagne flutes have all met their demise. A few of our juice and milk tumblers have ended up wrapped in newspaper and placed in the garbage pail. Drinking glasses have become so rare in our house that I gulp milk right out of the carton. Oh, I have always done that!
SMASH! This time a … Read the rest here Read More
Posted by Gary Chalk on Dec 5, 2022 in House cleaning, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |
Living Retired — ‘Broom Brouhaha’
By Gary Chalk
This past week was typical. I misplaced my iPhone, the key fob for my Jeep, my glasses, the television remote, my wallet, even the grocery list that I swear I had in my hand two minutes ago! What was different though is this all happened on Wednesday. Before lunch.
It gets worse, way worse. I couldn’t find the broom we use to sweep the kitchen floor.
I can hear you now, “Come on Gary, how on earth can you lose a friggin’ broom?”
That is a good question. The simple answer, okay the only answer is, I don’t know.
There is the idiom ‘the new broom sweeps clean, but the old broom cleans all the corners.’ Since we misplaced our broom — and because Jan says I cook wall to wall — walking on our kitchen floor was, well, not pretty.
To make matters even worse, Jan has been complaining that I have become forgetful the past few years, so I was apprehensive to tell her I couldn’t find our broom. It is one thing to say you can’t find your iPhone, but another to have to admit to losing the broom. … Read the rest here Read More
Posted by Gary Chalk on Nov 20, 2022 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Needles, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |
Living Retired — ‘Fearing Needles Is Needless’
By Gary Chalk.
I never enjoy getting needles. There I said it.
And I am not alone. Researchers at the University of Michigan cite that approximately 30% of adults say they are concerned when it comes to having needles — everything from mild anxiety to a phobia that even prevent them from seeking out medical care.
Over the past few years having had all my Covid vaccinations, Covid boosters, flu shots, and blood work for my annual physical I have endured having my share of jabs in my arm.
I did my own research and discovered a 2-step strategy to help relieve the anxiety people have when they have a needle, which may help you.
The first step is to avoid unnecessary eye contact with the person who is about to jab you in your arm. Look in the opposite direction — down at your feet, outside a window, even close your eyes. The nurse holding the needle may think you are being rude but what the heck.
The second step is to start a friendly conversation with the needle-giver. Chatting, while avoiding looking at them, can create a sense of calmness. Hopefully, … Read the rest here Read More