Living Retired — ‘Broom Brouhaha’
By Gary Chalk
This past week was typical. I misplaced my iPhone, the key fob for my Jeep, my glasses, the television remote, my wallet, even the grocery list that I swear I had in my hand two minutes ago! What was different though is this all happened on Wednesday. Before lunch.
It gets worse, way worse. I couldn’t find the broom we use to sweep the kitchen floor.
I can hear you now, “Come on Gary, how on earth can you lose a friggin’ broom?”
That is a good question. The simple answer, okay the only answer is, I don’t know.
There is the idiom ‘the new broom sweeps clean, but the old broom cleans all the corners.’ Since we misplaced our broom — and because Jan says I cook wall to wall — walking on our kitchen floor was, well, not pretty.
To make matters even worse, Jan has been complaining that I have become forgetful the past few years, so I was apprehensive to tell her I couldn’t find our broom. It is one thing to say you can’t find your iPhone, but another to have to admit to losing the broom. … Read the rest here Read More
Living Retired — ‘Fearing Needles Is Needless’
By Gary Chalk.
I never enjoy getting needles. There I said it.
And I am not alone. Researchers at the University of Michigan cite that approximately 30% of adults say they are concerned when it comes to having needles — everything from mild anxiety to a phobia that even prevent them from seeking out medical care.
Over the past few years having had all my Covid vaccinations, Covid boosters, flu shots, and blood work for my annual physical I have endured having my share of jabs in my arm.
I did my own research and discovered a 2-step strategy to help relieve the anxiety people have when they have a needle, which may help you.
The first step is to avoid unnecessary eye contact with the person who is about to jab you in your arm. Look in the opposite direction — down at your feet, outside a window, even close your eyes. The nurse holding the needle may think you are being rude but what the heck.
The second step is to start a friendly conversation with the needle-giver. Chatting, while avoiding looking at them, can create a sense of calmness. Hopefully, … Read the rest here Read More
Retired Living — ‘Livestock Emission Tax Stinks’
By Gary Chalk
I usually do not write about politics. However, a ‘too good to be true opportunity’ presented itself last week. I read a report by the Associated Press that outlined a tax being proposed in New Zealand. I concluded that this tax is nothing to sneeze at, ahh, err, fart about! Let me explain…
The tax being discussed is on New Zealand’s farmers, ahh, rather, their livestock. As part of the government’s greenhouse gas reduction plan, the elected officials are honing in on the country’s 10 million beef and dairy cattle and 26 million sheep. Collectively these 36 million animals account for — get this — close to 50% of New Zealand’s methane gas emissions. But the way I see it, the number is even higher…
The population of New Zealand is approximately 5 million people. They are fervent rugby fans. Thousands meet up in stadiums all over the country to cheer wildly for their team, and drink lots of beer. The outcome is you guessed it: farting! So the number is actually 10 million beef and dairy cattle, 26 million sheep, and 5 million drunken rugby fans. So now we … Read the rest here Read More
Living Retired — ‘The Name Game’
By Gary Chalk
Whenever my iPhone rings the first thing I do is check call display to see who is calling — if the name doesn’t ring a bell, I let the call go into my voicemail. So, the other day when call display identified the caller as Patrick Leaffilter in Toronto I thought to myself I don’t know Patrick Leaffilter and thought nothing more — other than what it must be like to be stuck with the name Patrick Leaffilter!
Later that night I checked call display again. This time it provided me my answer. It turned out it wasn’t Patrick Leaffilter calling me, it was Patrick at Leaf Filter gutter protection — call display neglected to add a space between Leaf and Filter. By the time I listened to Patrick at Leaf Filters’ voicemail about fixing my leaky gutters it was water under the bridge.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been caught off guard by a person’s name. One name that stands out goes back to my radio career. Here is what happened…
I began as an announcer at a small radio station. One day the program director called all the … Read the rest here Read More
Living Retired — ‘Feeling Sort of ___.’
By Gary Chalk
Last Wednesday heading into the Thanksgiving weekend was a beautiful autumn afternoon. After lunch I parked in front of the Post Office and ran inside to pick up a parcel. When I returned to my Jeep, before I got inside, I decided to slip my sweater off. That is when it happened…
As I wiggled my hips trying to yank the sweater up and overtop my head the person in the car parked behind mine took notice. HONK! HONK! I looked up and saw a woman inside. She stuck her head out her window and said, “That is quite a show!” She laughed. I laughed.
Hmm, I thought to myself if she wants a show, I’ll give her a show! Cognizant of my sore shoulder I proceeded to sort of sway my arms back and forth up over my head. At the same time, I sort of swiveled my hips pretending to strip my sweater off. It was difficult because I had to be sure I didn’t throw my back out!
With my sweater off I sort of strutted on my gimpy knee to the trunk where I sort of … Read the rest here Read More
Living Retired — ‘Staging Lady’
By Gary Chalk
My wife is a forward-thinking person. She looks ahead planning for what could happen. For instance, if the dry cleaner ever lost one of Jan’s blouses, slacks, or expensive sweaters — which they never have — she has multiple blouses, pairs of slacks, and expensive sweaters already hanging in her closet. Me? I also look forward. These days I am looking forward to the World Series.
A while ago Jan posed this forward thinking thought to me: “Gary, the very first thing we would have to do if we put our house up for sale is have a professional home stager come through to tell us how to get it ready for showing.”
“Jan, the very first thing we would have to do if we put our house up for sale after the dramatic drop in home values and increase in borrowing money is give our heads a shake!”
Before you could say, ‘Open House’ Jan prepared a spread sheet and laid it out on the dining room table. “Gary, these are the detailed steps we need to undertake to clean up our place to get it in order before we even … Read the rest here Read More