Living Retired — ‘Explosive Diarrhea’
Living Retired — ‘EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA!’
By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk
Dietitians have long promoted the nutritional value of eating green leafy vegetables, including lettuce. Well! I wonder what these sliced celery stick-eaters are saying these days? The lettuce bowl has become, well, the toilet bowl. All because PhD-educated food scientists officially named a parasitic illness ‘EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA.’ This has led to a huge, well, outpouring across the USA.
They could have named it Volatile Looseness, even Unstable Intestines. But no, they went all out — so to speak — and named it EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA! The culprit is contaminated lettuce, which when consumed causes cyclosporiasis, which causes the Human Elimination System (HES) to have a Sudden System Malfunction (SSM). The result is !#&%! By this time, it is waayyy too late.
This has made for interesting conversation at the dinner table…
“Jan, just to be safe I will take a pass on the lettuce salad this evening. I don’t want to embarrass you with EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA.”
Jan put her fork down, wiped her lips with a napkin, and said, “Thanks a lot Gary. Suddenly I am not hungry anymore.”
“Well, next time would you like me to call it
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