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Living Retired — ‘A Fly on The Wall’

Posted by on Jan 29, 2023 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘A Fly on The Wall’

Living Retired — ‘A Fly on The Wall’

Living Retired — ‘A Fly on The Wall’ By Gary Chalk. If you had been living at our house the past while you would have realized it is a zoo around our place. It all began last fall. I cannot recall what brought it on, but Jan smiled and said — these are her exact words — “Gary, you’re becoming an old dog.” “Well, Dear at least I am not lapping water from the toilet bowl.” “Yes Gary but how many times do I have to remind you to close the toilet bowl lid?” Being called an old dog stung. I had always heard dogs age faster then humans, so later...

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Living Retired — ‘Sneaking Snacks’

Posted by on Jan 23, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Shreddies, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Sneaking Snacks’

Living Retired — ‘Sneaking Snacks’

Living Retired — ‘Sneaking Snacks.’ By Gary Chalk. Shhh… It is about 9 o’clock in the evening. I am writing this weeks Living Retired column downstairs in my office. The lights are turned off. I can see only because of the light coming from my computer screen. I don’t want Jan to find me because I am snacking. Quietly, I slowly ripped open a package of Oreo cookies, double stuffed, chocolate. If I am lucky this should be just about enough for me to finish the column. Jan is upstairs in her office. She is on ancestry.com researching her family...

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Living Retired — ‘It’s A Scam, Jan’

Posted by on Jan 16, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Scams, Scams | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘It’s A Scam, Jan’

Living Retired — ‘It’s A Scam, Jan’

Living Retired — ‘It’s A Scam, Jan’ By Gary Chalk The text message on my iPhone read, ‘Canada Post: We were unable to deliver your parcel due to no answer at the door and no safe drop-off location. Text ‘Y’ to reschedule your delivery.’ Right away I thought someone was phishing for information because Jan would not include my text number for an item she ordered online. “Jan, are we expecting a parcel from Canada Post? I think someone is phishing.” “Sorry Gary I am in my office and I can’t hear you very well. All I heard was something about...

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Living Retired — ‘Reading Room’

Posted by on Jan 9, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Reading, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Reading Room’

Living Retired — ‘Reading Room’

Living Retired — ‘Reading Room’ By Gary Chalk. It has to be at least a week ago. Jan and I were reading in bed one evening when she closed her book and said, “Gary, do you want to invite some friends over and entertain in the downstairs family room? I have changed the furniture around and it is now a reading room.” “Jan, just so I have this right. You are telling me we would invite friends to come for an evening and sit around reading? That hardly sounds like an invitation list people would give their eye teeth to be on — maybe their...

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Living Retired — ‘One Step Forward, One Step Back’

Posted by on Jan 2, 2023 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘One Step Forward, One Step Back’

Living Retired — ‘One Step Forward, One Step Back’

Living Retired – ‘One Step Forward, One Step Back’ By Gary Chalk Frequently Jan uses the word ‘step.’ If we are going shopping and she is waiting in the car for me, she is likely to say, “Gary, step on it!” When I pull our car into the parking lot of one of those mammoth shopping outlet centres when Jan gets out of the car she will say, “Gary, I have some serious shopping to do. Step out of my way!” When we dance it is, “Gary you’re stepping on my toes again.” So yesterday when I mentioned that I was going to begin to use the step counter app...

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Living Retired — ‘Tis The Morning After Christmas’

Posted by on Dec 26, 2022 in Christmas humor, Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Tis The Morning After Christmas’

Living Retired — ‘Tis The Morning After Christmas’

Living Retired — ‘Tis The Morning After Christmas’ By Gary Chalk ‘Tis the morning after Christmas, And all through our house, Not a creature is stirring, Not even my spouse.   Jan’s Christmas attire is heaped by our bed, She’s dreaming the turkey gravy stains are only in her head.   It’s 11 in the morning and we’re still flat on our back, Christmas rum and eggnog has us feeling out of whack!   Jan has a heating pad wrapped ‘round her head, While I awake clinging to my side of the bed; My nasal strip has slipped down onto my...

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Living Retired — ‘SMASH!’

Posted by on Dec 19, 2022 in Breaking glasses, Christmas humor, Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘SMASH!’

Living Retired — ‘SMASH!’

Living Retired — ‘SMASH!’ By Gary Chalk SMASH! There goes another one of our wine glasses. These days Jan has become a one-woman wrecking machine. It seems whenever she washes our drinking glasses, or removes them from the dishwasher, she manages to break one. It is now to the point that it is our cupboards — not the glasses — that are half full. SMASH! Is Jan trying to break our glasses thinking I will excuse her from cleaning up after we eat? Is she hoping to go on a shopping trip to purchase new glassware? Maybe she thinks I will buy some...

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Living Retired — ‘Dear Deer’

Posted by on Dec 12, 2022 in Christmas humor, Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Dear Deer’

Living Retired — ‘Dear Deer’

Living Retired — ‘Dear Deer’ By Gary Chalk Jan and I went online and ordered an outdoor Christmas decoration: a 2-piece reindeer and sleigh set with 150 LED lights. I know, we should have known better. The words on the box indicated the deer and sleigh measure almost 6’ long and over 4’ tall. What arrived on our porch was a 2’ square carton crammed with deer legs, the head and neck, a set of antlers, the body, sleigh runners and plenty of pieces for the sleigh. Counting spare bulbs, fuses, and ground stakes there were 24 individual parts and...

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Living Retired –‘Broom Brouhaha’

Posted by on Dec 5, 2022 in House cleaning, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized | Comments Off on Living Retired –‘Broom Brouhaha’

Living Retired –‘Broom Brouhaha’

Living Retired — ‘Broom Brouhaha’ By Gary Chalk This past week was typical. I misplaced my iPhone, the key fob for my Jeep, my glasses, the television remote, my wallet, even the grocery list that I swear I had in my hand two minutes ago! What was different though is this all happened on Wednesday. Before lunch. It gets worse, way worse. I couldn’t find the broom we use to sweep the kitchen floor. I can hear you now, “Come on Gary, how on earth can you lose a friggin’ broom?” That is a good question. The simple answer, okay the only answer...

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Living Retired — ‘In The Studio Audience’

Posted by on Nov 28, 2022 in Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘In The Studio Audience’

Living Retired — ‘In The Studio Audience’

Living Retired – ‘In The Studio Audience’ By Gary Chalk. As a kid The Ed Sullivan Show was must-watch television. Every Sunday night at 8 o’clock my parents, my sister Dianne, and I were entertained by buxom Charo (the ‘Cuchi-cuchi’ lady), a stuffed mouse called Topo Gigio, and some guy in a tuxedo running like a madman across the stage spinning China plates on sticks. Now that was show business! I enjoyed when Ed introduced people in the audience. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris, and Yogi Berra from the World Series...

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