Pages Menu
Categories Menu

Home

Living Retired: ‘WEDNESDAY WENT WRONG!’

Posted by on May 9, 2021 in Retirement Humour | 0 comments

Living Retired: ‘WEDNESDAY WENT WRONG!’

Living Retired: ‘WEDNESDAY WENT WRONG!’   Wednesday. If you still work, Wednesday is hump day. But for retirees like me, Wednesday is just another day: you get out of bed, trip over the decorator pillows that you threw all over the floor when you went to bed; and pull on the same relax fit jeans you wore yesterday. What a life! However, last Wednesday was different for me. It seemed everything I did made me wonder if I may be having short term memory loss. Did I mention that I may be having short term memory loss? Here is what I mean....

read more

Living Retired: ‘ECONOMISTS ESPOUSE; POLITICIANS PERTURB’

Posted by on May 6, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired: ‘ECONOMISTS ESPOUSE; POLITICIANS PERTURB’

Living Retired: ‘ECONOMISTS ESPOUSE; POLITICIANS PERTURB’

Living Retired: ‘ECONOMISTS ESPOUSE; POLITICIANS PERTURB’ Economists and politicians are showing their true Covid colours. The economists see green. The politicians see shades of Crayola. Every evening economists espouse everything economic. They appear on television telling baby boomers that our nest egg that we worked so hard to save for all these years has – to us financial terminology – TANKED! So, the other night when a leading economist – is there such a things as an entry level economist? – said that he was going to put everything into...

read more

Living Retired – ‘THERMOSTAT TOMFOOLERY’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘THERMOSTAT TOMFOOLERY’

Living Retired – ‘THERMOSTAT TOMFOOLERY’

Living Retired: ‘THERMOSTAT TOMFOOLERY’ Even with the social distancing that accompanies Covid Couple Confinement, every day is party central at our place! Welcome to the ‘Chalk Housewarming Party!’ “Gary, it is absolutely freezing in this house! Whatever temperature you set the thermostat is way too low! I’m setting it higher.” To make her point Jan yanks off her L.L. Bean double-layer deerskin woodsman mitts with 100% merino wool inserts she wears in the house. She rubs her hands across my chin, “Feel how cold my fingers are!” Before I can...

read more

Living Retired – ‘YUM & YUMMER’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘YUM & YUMMER’

Living Retired – ‘YUM & YUMMER’

Living Retired: ‘YUM & YUMMER!’   Covid Couple Confinement has led to an increase in couples cooking together. The time spent researching a perfect menu, finding the appropriate wine to pair with the recipe, and not arguing after dinner about “Why with 500 channels on television there is nothing to watch?” makes for an enjoyable evening. One downside though, is the repetitive arm injuries brought on by teetering on tiptoes on top a chair flailing a dish towel under the smoke alarm! “Gary, how much longer does it say to cook that...

read more

Living Retired – ‘CELEBRATING CONFINEMENT’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘CELEBRATING CONFINEMENT’

Living Retired – ‘CELEBRATING CONFINEMENT’

LIVING RETIRED: ‘CELEBRATING CONFINEMENT’ What can I say? Jan and I completely lost it on Wednesday! It was 12 months to the day that a Covid-19 state of emergency was declared. It has been a long year of Covid Couple Confinement. Jan has suffered putting up with me – hand sanitizer dripping down my pant legs, bumbling my way through grocery stores smacking the cart into everyone’s ankles because I suffer from a medical condition called ‘Can’t See Squat’ when my face mask fogs my glasses, and being screamed at on Zoom, “Gary you’re on mute....

read more

Living Retired – ‘NO PHO FOR ME!’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘NO PHO FOR ME!’

Living Retired – ‘NO PHO FOR ME!’

Living Retired: ‘NO PHO FOR ME’ The one constant throughout our year of Covid Couple Confinement is change. We have changed to working from home, wearing face masks when we leave the house, and identifying our friends from each other on Zoom by using the nostril recognition technique! One thing I have changed are my pants – at least twice a day because of big blotches of liquid hand sanitizer dripping down the pant legs! A change Jan and I have made is our grocery shopping routine. Here is what I mean… Back in the pre-Covid days – when...

read more

Living Retired – ‘AUTOMOBILE ALARMS’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘AUTOMOBILE ALARMS’

Living Retired – ‘AUTOMOBILE ALARMS’

Living Retired: ‘AUTOMOBILE ALARMS’ ‘Lane assist.’ Does your car have this feature? The lane assist function ‘auto-matically’ triggers an alarm that notifies you as you careen down the highway in your SUV, that your 4,000 pounds of moving metal has drifted over into the wrong lane! This in a word is: FRIGGIN’ ALARMING! Full stop! I’m thinking that drivers who rely on lane assist to keep in the middle of the road SHOULDN’T BE DRIVING! Imagine what it is like for the other motorists seeing a car coming head-on drift dangerously close to them –...

read more

Living Retired – ‘BAD BUTTER BROUHAHA!’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘BAD BUTTER BROUHAHA!’

Living Retired – ‘BAD BUTTER BROUHAHA!’

Living Retired: ‘BAD BUTTER BROUHAHA!’ Don’t look now. But Canadians are in a real humdinger of a mess! Everywhere you turn – next to hearing about the upcoming guest host on Jeopardy! – the news is all about the Canadian Covid Couple Confinement Controversy! Here is the scoop… Instead of concerning ourselves about important things with Covid-19 such as the vaccination rollout, keeping our children safe at school, or signing a petition prohibiting British Prime Minister Boris Johnson from standing at a podium looking like he combed his hair...

read more

Living Retired – ‘Facebook Photos’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired – ‘Facebook Photos’

Living Retired – ‘Facebook Photos’

Living Retired: ‘FACEBOOK FOOD PHOTOS’ Do you remember back in the days when you sat down for dinner and the first thing you did was say grace? Things are different now. These days before you put fork to food, someone will scare the bejeebers out of you when they suddenly leap from their chair screaming at the top of their lungs, “DON’T TOUCH YOUR PLATE! I need to get my iPhone to post a picture of our sizzling beef and broccoli stir fry.” Instead of saying thanks for the meal we are about to eat, we pray for lots of ‘likes’ of our food...

read more

Living Retired: ‘FOLDING LAWN CHAIRS’

Posted by on May 5, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired: ‘FOLDING LAWN CHAIRS’

Living Retired: ‘FOLDING LAWN CHAIRS’

LIVING RETIRED: ‘FOLDING LAWN CHAIRS’ Birthday parties aren’t so much fun anymore. At least not compared to when we were younger. Back then, when we were invited to our best friends 4th birthday party the highlight was everyone blowing root beer out of their nostrils! These days the highlight is opening the damn juice box for your grandkids 4th birthday and trying to poke the plastic straw through the seal without squirting sticky lemonade down your compression socks! So, when Jan and I got an invitation to our friends outdoor,...

read more