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Living Retired — ‘RV HAVING FUN YET?’

Posted by on Jul 19, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘RV HAVING FUN YET?’

Living Retired — ‘RV HAVING FUN YET?’

Living Retired – ‘RV HAVING FUN YET?’ Aging is the politically correct way of saying ‘becoming an old fart.’ Here are three ways of knowing you are becoming an old fart: 1) You are on a first name basis with your pharmacist. “Hi George. I am here to pick up this months meds for my stiff knees, my sore wrists, my back pain, my dry mouth, my low blood pressure, and my high cholesterol. Oh, and did my doctor call in a prescription for my toe fungus?” 2) You and your spouse don’t quite hear what each other says. “Dear, would you like a tea?” She...

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Living retired — ‘WHEN YOUR CLOSET IS NOT A CLOSET’

Posted by on Jul 12, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living retired — ‘WHEN YOUR CLOSET IS NOT A CLOSET’

Living retired — ‘WHEN YOUR CLOSET IS NOT A CLOSET’

Living Retired — ‘WHEN YOUR CLOSET IS NOT A CLOSET’ As Jan was hanging up our clothes in the bedroom closet at the cottage we rented, she called for me to come. “Gary, look at this closet. What do you see?” “Well dear, for starters I see a closet without multiple pairs of Kate Spade flip flops, no sweat-wicking four-way stretch Lululemon scarves, no Sergio Rossi high heels; and I’ll be damned but there aren’t any leather Coach purses either.” “No, Gary you are supposed to notice all the different racks to hang clothes and the various types of...

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Living Retired — ‘ONTARIO IS YOURS TO DISCOVER, UNLESS YOU ARE DRIVING!’

Posted by on Jul 10, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘ONTARIO IS YOURS TO DISCOVER, UNLESS YOU ARE DRIVING!’

Living Retired — ‘ONTARIO IS YOURS TO DISCOVER, UNLESS YOU ARE DRIVING!’

Living Retired — ‘ONTARIO IS YOURS TO DISCOVER, UNLESS YOU ARE DRIVING’ We have arrived at the cottage on Lake Scugog — FINALLY! I say ‘FINALLY’ because it took us three attempts — just to get to the end of our cul-de-sac!!! The first attempt… As I eased the car out from the garage to the driveway I asked Jan, “Dear, do we have everything we need for the cottage?” She responded, “Gary, just to be sure I should probably go to the bathroom once more.” The second attempt… This time we reached the end of the cul-de sac when Jan...

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Living Retired — ‘COUNTING CARS’

Posted by on Jun 27, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘COUNTING CARS’

Living Retired — ‘COUNTING CARS’

Living Retired – ‘COUNTING CARS’   Have you ever scribbled out a list of all the cars you have bought in your lifetime? When I did this last week, I became more depressed than when our household was selected to complete the long version of this years Canada census form. One page became two pages. I shuddered thinking how much we have spent on cars. WOW! My love affair with cars began in high school when I bought my first car: a used Vauxhall Viva. I had never driven a car with a manual transmission, so my Dad drove it home from the car lot....

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Living Retired — ‘GARAGE GUY’

Posted by on Jun 21, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘GARAGE GUY’

Living Retired — ‘GARAGE GUY’

Living Retired – ‘GARAGE GUY’ In my heart of hearts – make that my garage of crap! – I knew the day was coming… “Gary when will you finally clean out the garage? You swore when Covid-19 began you would get it cleaned up. Don’t you remember?” Hmmm. “Jan, to be honest all I remember is the swearing part.” Before I could holler from the garage, “Jan, what do you want me to do with our collection of chipped coffee mugs and the combination butt blaster thigh master?” – I was at our bathroom vanity looking for Voltaren Extra Strength. Just saying…...

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Living Retired — ‘SPOUSAL SPEAK’

Posted by on Jun 14, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘SPOUSAL SPEAK’

Living Retired — ‘SPOUSAL SPEAK’

Living Retired: ‘SPOUSAL SPEAK’ Jan told me about a magazine article she read that indicated three-quarters of communication between retired couples is based on listening. Then she stared at me, “HELLO? DID YOU EVEN HEAR WHAT I SAID???” During retirement bad habits creep in. Before you can say, “How many times do I have to tell you to please put the dirty forks in the dishwasher with the tines pointing up?” – you find yourselves arguing whether the jars in the fridge should be placed with the labels pointing out! Here is how Jan and I...

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Living Retired — ‘THE EXPIRATION EXPOSE’

Posted by on Jun 6, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘THE EXPIRATION EXPOSE’

Living Retired — ‘THE EXPIRATION EXPOSE’

Living Retired: ‘THE EXPIRATION EXPOSE’ When I close my eyes, I can still see the look on my wife’s face at lunch yesterday. Jan scrunched her nose and pursed her lips. She had that ‘mother of a baby look’ that says, “Are your diapers dirty?” I am not at the Depends stage, so I knew it was not me. “Gary, there is something terribly wrong with this melba toast. It is totally bland. It has no taste. None whatsoever!” With that she dropped the brittle cracker to her plate. It didn’t surprise me – it smashed into smithereens and disintegrated to...

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Living Retired — ‘THE NAME GAME’

Posted by on May 31, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘THE NAME GAME’

Living Retired — ‘THE NAME GAME’

Living Retired – ‘THE NAME GAME’   Hi (insert your name here). My wife (insert her name here) says I have a problem. I (Gary) think she is overreacting. What I am talking about is the difficulty I have trying to remember peoples names. Here is what I mean… Pre-Covid-19 – back before we had 14 months of homemade sourdough bread under our belts – Jan and I were attending a cocktail party. I was chatting with one of the guests I met. Standing at the island, I was convinced I was making a decent impression — oblivious to shrimp sauce...

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Living Retired — ‘SLIP, SLIDIN’, AWAY’

Posted by on May 25, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘SLIP, SLIDIN’, AWAY’

Living Retired — ‘SLIP, SLIDIN’, AWAY’

Living Retired: ‘SLIP, SLIDIN’, AWAY’      In many households men are responsible for maintaining the family vehicles. This is the way it is at our place – mind you I don’t know the difference between a muffler and a muffin. And because we have two cars this means twice as many lug nuts for this lug nut to keep tight. Soon, Jan’s car – which we leased – needs to be returned to the dealership. We tried to purchase the car, but the salesperson could not tell us the price – it has something to do with a contractual obligation to...

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Living Retired: ‘IN SPRING GARDENERS WET THEIR PLANTS’

Posted by on May 16, 2021 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired: ‘IN SPRING GARDENERS WET THEIR PLANTS’

Living Retired: ‘IN SPRING GARDENERS WET THEIR PLANTS’

Living Retired: ‘IN SPRING GARDENERS WET THEIR PLANTS’   Simply stated, Saturdays situation was serious… I was still in bed – I hadn’t even had a chance to get up and trip over the decorator pillows we threw on the floor when we went to bed! Jan peeked out through the bedroom California shutters and said those five words: “Let’s go get our flowers!” With that, a sunny Spring Saturday had gone to hell in a heap of hostas! ‘Let’s go get our flowers’ is a Spring ritual. The custom is that EVERYONE descends on their favourite garden centre on the...

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