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Living Retired — ‘Wordle Wars’

Posted by on May 23, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Wordle Wars’

Living Retired — ‘Wordle Wars’

Living Retired — ‘Wordle Wars’ By Gary Chalk. Jan and I are in the habit each evening of settling down in the family room to complete that days Wordle puzzle. We enjoy the challenge of having six attempts to come up with a five letter word to win the puzzle. I do Wordle for relaxation, whereas Jan is, well let’s just say she is much more competitive. Here is what I mean… I grab my iPad and stretch out on the sofa and put my feet up. Jan’s sits beside me. She is armed with a pad of foolscap paper and a pencil. She doesn’t wear a...

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Living Retired — ‘Dings & Pings’

Posted by on May 16, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Dings & Pings’

Living Retired — ‘Dings & Pings’

Living Retired – ‘Dings & Pings’ By Gary Chalk. It is May and life is busy. Spring cleaning, gardening, waxing the cars it has been one thing after another which means for my iPhone it has been one ding after another. Or is it one ping after another? Anyway, the technology that alerts you that someone has sent you an email, a text message, a telephone message, a video, or responded to your Facebook post is annoying to no end. “Jan, something is up with my iPhone. I am receiving way too many dings.” “Dear, if you want me to hear you you’ll...

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Living Retired — ‘Party Pooper’

Posted by on May 9, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Party Pooper’

Living Retired — ‘Party Pooper’

Living Retired – ‘Party Pooper’ By Gary Chalk Full disclosure: The following may cause embarrassment. Your results may vary. I received a very special invitation card in the mail recently. Not to a birthday party. Not to call for a comparison quote for our homeowner and automobile insurance. The invitation read, ‘You have been invited to a FIT.’ “Jan, do you know what a FIT is? It sounds like a gym membership. Whatever it is I have been invited. Lucky me.” “Well dear, you have gained a few pounds over the winter. You should check into it....

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Living Retired — ‘Pharmacy Foibles’

Posted by on May 2, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Pharmacy Foibles’

Living Retired — ‘Pharmacy Foibles’

Living Retired – ‘Pharmacy Foibles’ By Gary Chalk Jan can be brutally honest with me. She became so frustrated last week she complained, “Gary when it comes to decorating our house, updating your wardrobe, and picking out which movie we should see you don’t know if you are punched or bored!” “Well dear, at least I am three out of three. There is something to be said about consistency.” Later in the week not knowing whether I was punched or bored worsened. Suddenly, I did not know whether my name is Gary, Harry, Barry, or Terry! l was running...

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Living Retired : ‘Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot’

Posted by on Apr 25, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired : ‘Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot’

Living Retired : ‘Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot’

‘Living Retired — ‘Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot’ By Gary Chalk Saturday night Jan was really hot in bed. I mean REALLY, REALLY HOT! And she made me work up a sweat too. It all began in the middle of the night when I awoke and rolled over and snuggled up close to Jan. I whispered in her ear, “Dear you are sooo hot.” Slowly Jan opened her eyes. Grasping the linen sheet with her hands she pulled it up near her neck and began to groan. She slowly rolled towards me in the centre of the bed and spoke softly. “Gary, I am sleeping on the new heating pad I...

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Living Retired — ‘This Is a B-Rated Column’

Posted by on Apr 18, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘This Is a B-Rated Column’

Living Retired — ‘This Is a B-Rated Column’

Living Retired – ‘This Is a B-Rated Column’      By Gary Chalk Jan mentioned the other day to me that a friend of hers asked – these are her friends’ exact words – “How on earth does Gary come up with all the cockamamie ideas for topics for his Living Retired column each week?” “So, what did you say to her Dear? Did you mention my unique abilities as a storyteller? Or my keen sense of humour? Ahh, I know you probably told her that I worked hard to develop my innate gift of wit from birth.” “No Gary. I could have lied and said the meds you are...

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Living Retired — ‘The Urge To Purge’

Posted by on Apr 11, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘The Urge To Purge’

Living Retired — ‘The Urge To Purge’

Living Retired – ‘The Urge To Purge’ By Gary Chalk Last week Jan said, “Gary, lets finally purge the back room in the basement.” I said, “Jan, when you say we are going to purge a room all I can think of is that you will force me to get rid of our VCR and all our movies on Beta and the several trips I will take hauling everything away. Purging makes me want to puke.” “I wish you wouldn’t say puke Gary. You know I don’t like that word.” “Jan, I looked it up in the dictionary and puke comes 188 words before purge. Do the math. It is better.”...

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Living Retired — ‘Don’t Look Up’

Posted by on Apr 4, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Don’t Look Up’

Living Retired — ‘Don’t Look Up’

Living Retired – ‘Don’t Look Up’ By Gary Chalk Part of my exercise routine involves carrying the groceries from my Jeep into the house. First, I grab the handles of all the grocery bags at once. Then, I struggle coming in from the garage through the laundry room. All this extra weight brings pain to my baby boomer knees, so by the time I reach the kitchen I body slam the bags on top of the island like Haystack Calhoun used to drop Sweet Daddy Siki to the wrestling mat. I know there is no use crying over spilled milk, but every time I do this...

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Living Retired — ‘Okay, So I Am Not A Rocket Scientist’

Posted by on Mar 28, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Okay, So I Am Not A Rocket Scientist’

Living Retired — ‘Okay, So I Am Not A Rocket Scientist’

Living Retired – ‘Okay. So, I Am No Rocket Scientist’ By Gary Chalk I learned something about myself last week. And it all began helping Jan spread the huge duvet overtop our bed. “My gosh Gary, is that the best you can do? It looks like we slept in it.” “Jan, I’m not trying to be picky but your choice of words ‘it looks like we slept in it’ isn’t what I think you meant to say.” “Gary, what I am saying is it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to make the bed!” “Jan, what it does take is a guy with six-foot long arms to stretch out across all...

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Living Retired — ‘What’s For Dinner?’

Posted by on Mar 21, 2022 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘What’s For Dinner?’

Living Retired — ‘What’s For Dinner?’

Living Retired — “What’s For Dinner?” By Gary Chalk Jan and I have reached the end of our basting brush! Two long years of Covid Couple Confinement trying to dream up interesting meals to make for dinner every night has, well, taken a bite out of our relationship. We have pigged out on pulled pork prepared in the instant pot, wolfed-down ribeye steaks sous vide, chowed on crockpot chicken cacciatore, and binged on sheet pan Szechuan chicken with glazed Brussels sprouts. “Jan, I have searched through the entire internet looking for recipes....

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