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Living Retired — ‘Chalk Talk’
Living Retired — ‘Chalk Talk’ By Gary Chalk. Professionally-trained marriage experts — people who learned their craft in laboratories studying female rats tossing decorator pillows on beds, while the male rats throw empty beer cans on the floor beside their LazyBoy recliners — say a successful marriage requires two-way communication. I agree. I also believe spouses need to ‘say what they mean, and mean what they say.’ This is what I mean… One afternoon last week Jan walked into our family room modelling a dress she ordered online. She...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Planning Spontaneity’
Living Retired — ‘Planning Spontaneity’ By Gary Chalk. As Jan and I approached retirement, we contemplated what we would do with more time on our hands. We decided we wanted to become more spontaneous. With no work commitments we would finally be able to just pick up and go. Wouldn’t that be fun! Well, it has now been five months since Jan left her career and joined me in retirement — but our plan to be impromptu has, well, not gone as planned. “Jan next week let’s go to Maine. We can get tickets to the Kennebunkport Coastal Kitchen Tour and...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘For the Birds’
Living Retired — ‘For the Birds!’ By Gary Chalk. You know I don’t make this stuff up. There is a movement afoot — or is it a-wing? — to rename all the birds in North America that are named after people. Think about it. As we try to address legitimate issues such as climate change, poverty, and what on earth to do with all that leftover sourdough bread your husband made during Covid, some birdbrain has concluded there are birds flying among us whose names are not politically correct. I cannot say that a little bird told me about this turn of...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Electric Hedge Trimmer IS Shear Madness’
Living Retired — ‘Electric Hedge Trimmer Is Shear Madness’ By Gary Chalk. Our recent lovely autumn weather provided an opportunity for me to complete the fall yard work. “Jan, I am going to the garage to get the electric hedge trimmer to cut back the hostas in the gardens.” “Okay Gary, I’ll go to the bathroom and get a tourniquet from the first aide kit.” Minutes later I was standing on the driveway. At my feet was a 100-foot-long outdoor extension cord in a tangled blob. Grey duct tape was wrapped at three...
read moreLiving Retired –‘Raised Eyebrows’
Living Retired — ‘Raised Eyebrows’ By Gary Chalk. Friday got off to a good start: I arrived at the breakfast table with my fly done up and the toilet seat down. I thought this would impress Jan. “Good morning, Dear.” “Gary, your eyebrows are up.” That was a new one for me. “Jan, what do you mean my eyebrows are up? Are they up overtop my eyes? The last time I checked that is where eyebrows are supposed to be.” Jan explained that when I said good morning my face took on an expression that turned my eyebrows upwards, more than normal. “What can...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Yen for Pens’
Living Retired — ‘Yen for Pens’ By Gary Chalk. Throughout the years Jan and I have been married, she has called me many different things. I remember the time she really confused me when she called me out for — get this! — having ‘a depressed retail profile.’ “Jan, that is a new one on me. What do you mean I have a depressed retail profile?” “Gary, it means you don’t enjoy going to stores spending money to buy things.” I disagreed. “Jan, I am not buying that.” Recently, Jan called me another name. This is what happened… We stopped in at the...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Apple Avalanche!’
Living Retired — ‘Apple Avalanche!’ By Gary Chalk. Here in southern Ontario a grocery store chain called Farm Boy has become my favourite store because when I shop there, I know what is, well, in store: a terrific selection of high-quality fruits and vegetables. Farm Boy deserves an A+ for their produce presentation — except for their apple displays. At the core of my problem with their apple display is how they arrange the apples. Other grocery stores heap the apples mishmash. Not at Farm Boy. I’m thinking they developed their way of...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Bugged!’
Living Retired — ‘Bugged!’ By Gary Chalk. Long ago, Hamlet said, “To be, or not to be, that is the question.” Last weekend, Jan said, “Gary, if you step on stink bugs do the squished stink bugs stink?” “Jeez Jan, I don’t think I can even say what you just said!” “Gary, all I am saying is we have to get rid of these stink bugs. We need to step our game.” “Jan, I believe you meant to say we need to step down our game. These stink bugs are all over our patio. Although I guess if I stepped from the ground up onto the patio, I’d be stepping up our...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Watt’s Up?’
Living Retired — ‘Watts Up?’ By Gary Chalk Do you remember Debby Boone’s hit ‘You Light Up My Life’ back in 1977? These days it is Jan who lights up my life. Here is what I mean… We were getting in the car to meet up with friends for dinner. “Jan, you left your office light on.” “Gary, one lousy light. What’s the big deal?’ “But you also left the light on when you were in the den.” “Well Gary. I am zero for two. That’s pretty good in my books.” “Jan, make that zero for three, you also didn’t turn off the light when you were doing your hair in...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Cast of Characters’
Living Retired — ‘Cast of Characters’ By Gary Chalk The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round — but ONLY IF the driver knows how to start the friggin’ engine! Here is what I mean… Jan and I returned last week from a cruise from Montreal down the St. Lawrence River, around Newfoundland and the Maritime provinces to Boston. In Quebec City we boarded a bus excursion to Montmorency Falls and rode a cable car to the top to view the water crashing down to the St. Lawrence River. That is when we discovered the bus driver was, well, wet behind his...
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