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Living Retired — ‘Mastering Doing Nothing’
Living Retired — ‘Mastering Doing Nothing.’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. Health experts have long suggested that Living Retired may lead to a sedentary lifestyle. They recommend we keep active socially, mentally, and physically. This is why many retirees socialize playing cards with their friends, read to keep their brain active, and play pickleball so they can gripe about the emergency room wait times. But now we are being told the opposite. Autumn Grant, a mindfulness teacher in Halifax, stresses the importance of...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘The Dishwasher Rack-It’
Living Retired — ‘The Dishwasher Rack-It’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. Living Retired couples concur that a successful marriage is based on lasting love, true trust, and agreeing how to load the dishwasher. “Jan. You did it again. You placed the knives and forks upside down. They’ll never come out clean.” “And Gary how many times have I told you not to put the dirty Tupperware containers in the top rack? They end up upside down filled with water, when I take them out the water splashes all over the dry dishes on the...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Explosive Diarrhea’
Living Retired — ‘EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA!’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk Dietitians have long promoted the nutritional value of eating green leafy vegetables, including lettuce. Well! I wonder what these sliced celery stick-eaters are saying these days? The lettuce bowl has become, well, the toilet bowl. All because PhD-educated food scientists officially named a parasitic illness ‘EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA.’ This has led to a huge, well, outpouring across the USA. They could have named it Volatile Looseness, even Unstable...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘I Have Seen The Light.’
Living Retired — ‘I Have Seen The Light!’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. I never, NEVER, NEVER thought the day would come that I would say I enjoy soccer. However, after thirty days of The World Cup I managed to emerge from underneath crumpled Bud Lite empties and crushed Dorito bags and screamed, “GLORY BE TO FIFA!” Yes FIFA — Fake Injury Football Actors — won me over. So much so that I started playing indoor soccer — in our living room. This is how it went… First off, to be a soccer player you need to have tattoos all...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘I Have Seen The Light’
Living Retired — ‘I Have Seen The Light!’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. I never, NEVER, NEVER thought the day would come that I would say I enjoy soccer. However, after thirty days of The World Cup I managed to emerge from underneath crumpled Bud Lite empties and crushed Dorito bags and screamed, “GLORY BE TO FIFA!” Yes FIFA — Fake Injury Football Actors — won me over. So much so that I started playing indoor soccer — in our living room. This is how it went… First off, to be a soccer player you need to have tattoos all...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘Missing Mike’
Living Retired — ‘Missing Mike’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. My wife Jan often reminds me, “Gary, read your audience.” She’s right. Sometimes funny has to wait. This is one of those times. Here is why… Many readers (in the hundreds) of Living Retired signed up to receive my column after hearing me on The Mike Farwell Show on 570NewsRadio in Kitchener. Each week Mike encouraged listeners to sign up and “Get some chuckles in your inbox among the memos from the boss”. He also referred listeners to my website to check about...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘World Cup Update: 15,374 Fake Injuries Left To Go.’
Living Retired — ‘World Cup Update: 15,374 Fake Injuries Left To Go.’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. There is no escaping it. FIFA — Fake Injury Football Actors — has the world in its grip. And the tighter the grip, the more we gripe. We have finally passed the halfway mark of the tournament. As a Living Retired soccer newbie, from where I sit — buried in my Lazy-Boy recliner by empty Doritos bags and crushed Bud Lite cans — I would like to offer my gripes. Much of my griping is all the fake injuries, which based on my...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘What Were You Thinking?’
Living Retired — ‘What Were You Thinking?’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. A friend of mine who calls himself Handsome Doug said recently that many women complain that their husband does not listen to them. Handsome Doug said he was proud to say that he has never heard his wife say that to him. Come to think about it, so am I. But there is something Jan says to me that I do remember, “Gary. What were you thinking?” This is what I mean… Last week after I finished doing the laundry Jan held a pair of her summer slacks to her...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘How To Unload Your Home In Todays Depressed MArket’
Living Retired — ‘How To Unload Your Home In Todays Depressed Market’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. Way back between ‘The Leave It To Beaver Era’ and ‘The Kardasian Era’, baby boomers bought their three-bedroom forever home with a two car garage on a large lot for $149,900. Over the years they finished the basement, did a kitchen do-over, twice; and added a patio, hot tub and an outdoor kitchen. Now, as empty nesters, rather than going though the hullabaloo over what colour the backsplash should be, they decide to sell...
read moreLiving Retired — ‘How To Unload Your Home In Todays Depressed Market’
Living Retired — ‘How To Unload Your Home In Todays Depressed Market’ By Non-Pulitzer Prize Winning Columnist Gary Chalk. Way back between ‘The Leave It To Beaver Era’ and ‘The Kardasian Era’, baby boomers bought their three-bedroom forever home with a two car garage on a large lot for $149,900. Over the years they finished the basement, did a kitchen do-over, twice; and added a patio, hot tub and an outdoor kitchen. Now, as empty nesters, rather than going though the hullabaloo over what colour the backsplash should be, they decide to sell...
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