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Living Retired — ‘We Camped, Once!’

Posted by on May 20, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘We Camped, Once!’

Living Retired — ‘We Camped, Once!’

Living Retired — ‘We Camped, Once!’ By Gary Chalk   Sometimes we are as dumb as a box of Smarties. Case in point…   Years ago, during the week leading up to the May 24th holiday weekend Jan said, “Gary, let’s go camping.” I was shocked! “Jan, are you friggin’ nuts?”   I asked Jan what her attraction to camping is. Back flies the size of Buick Enclaves? Does she like to reek like a California wildfire? I even reminded her that we won’t have colour-coordinated decorator pillows to display on the air mattress. No luck.  ...

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Living Retired — ‘Dumb & Dumber’

Posted by on May 13, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Dumb & Dumber’

Living Retired — ‘Dumb & Dumber’

Living Retired — ‘Dumb & Dumber’ By Gary Chalk. I am relaxing on our patio writing this week’s Living Retired column. It feels good to set up the lawn furniture and be outside. I have a cool drink and my iPad. Things just changed… The next-door neighbour started his lawnmower. Then, Jan called me from over near the garage. “Jan, I cannot hear you over the loud lawnmower. I am here on our patio.” “Well Gary, it seems to me that if you couldn’t hear me, how did you know I said something?” Hmmm, I was, well, dumbfounded. Jan explained,...

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Living Retired — ‘Foot Stool Meets Etch A Sketch’

Posted by on May 6, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Foot Stool Meets Etch A Sketch’

Living Retired — ‘Foot Stool Meets Etch A Sketch’

Living Retired — ‘Foot Stool’ Meets ‘Etch A Sketch’ By Gary Chalk   Jan and I suffered a moment of weakness doing our spring-cleaning last week. This is what happened…   Similar to saying wedding vows, I held Jan’s hand and looked into her eyes: “Jan, I take you to be my wife, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until bedroom decorator pillows squeeze me out.” With that we agreed once and for all to go through ‘stuff’ we have been meaning to throw out ever since we...

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Living Retired — ‘Guys & Grills’

Posted by on Apr 29, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Guys & Grills’

Living Retired — ‘Guys & Grills’

Living Retired — ‘Guys and Grills’ By Gary Chalk. It is Spring: lawns are greening, flowers are blooming, and men are drinking beer before they ignite their gas barbecues. What can possibly go wrong! I was in elementary school when my father taught me all about barbecuing — which created my craving for steak that tasted like Zippo lighter fluid. Saturday evening was always barbecue night at the Chalk house. Dad would haul his heavy black beast of a barbecue to the breezeway. There was a small milk box by the side door where the milkman left...

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Living Retired — ‘This Doesn’t Make Sense’

Posted by on Apr 21, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘This Doesn’t Make Sense’

Living Retired — ‘This Doesn’t Make Sense’

Living Retired — ‘This Doesn’t Make Sense!’ By Gary Chalk. I learned something about myself last week: I am a clean linen guy. Oh, I am not talking about our bed sheets. I am referring to Glade Clean Linen Room Deodorizer. Here is what led to my newfound sense of smell… Tuesday, Jan was at her morning fitness class, so I made egg salad sandwiches for lunch. When I finished, the kitchen stunk like, well, our family room many years ago after the kids left Tyler’s kindergarten birthday party. Peugh! How to get rid of the egg smell in our...

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Living Retired — ‘Wasn’t That A Party’

Posted by on Apr 15, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Wasn’t That A Party’

Living Retired — ‘Wasn’t That A Party’

Living Retired — ‘Wasn’t That A Party!’ By Gary Chalk. I must tip my dorky solar eclipse viewing glasses to the astronomers — those fun-loving, party animals sure know how to toss a party! Think about it… They convinced the teachers to send the kids home from school three hours before the three-minute solar eclipse! They also scared the bejeebers out of Niagara Falls officials who didn’t know what the eclipse may do to Barbara Walter’s wax figurine, so they declared a state of emergency a whopping two weeks before the eclipse! What’s more,...

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Living Retired — ‘A Trip Down Memory Lane’

Posted by on Apr 7, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘A Trip Down Memory Lane’

Living Retired — ‘A Trip Down Memory Lane’

Living Retired — ‘A Trip Down Memory Lane’ By Gary Chalk. Recently, an expert ‘Clothes Closet Organizer’ came to our home to update our primary bedroom walk-in closet. (NOTE: In a previous column I said it was our master bedroom walk-in closet, but a reader corrected me. Dave laughed, saying, “Gary, these days it’s not referred to as the master bedroom. It is the primary bedroom; you have to be politically correct.” My first thought was to tell Dave he was tone deaf, but Jan said that is also politically incorrect.) The point is we now have a...

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Living Retired — ‘Hear Ye, Hear ye’

Posted by on Apr 7, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Hear Ye, Hear ye’

Living Retired — ‘Hear Ye, Hear ye’

Living Retired — ‘Hear Ye, Hear Ye.’ By Gary Chalk. Jan and I have been updating our travel medical insurance. As we compared the ins and outs of the benefits of two different providers health plans it got to the point where I became, well, sick of it. I interpreted one company’s policy benefits one way, but Jan saw it differently. After some back and forth examining things, it turns out Jan was correct. Go figure. Jan couldn’t resist, “You see Gary, I am a very good problem solver.” “And Jan, I am very good problem maker, so that means we...

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Living Retired — ‘Hockey Nights In Canada’

Posted by on Mar 25, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Hockey Nights In Canada’

Living Retired — ‘Hockey Nights In Canada’

Living Retired — ‘Hockey Nights In Canada’ By Gary Chalk. Spring arrived last week. Then it snowed. Welcome to Sprwinter. Jan does not look forward to Spring mostly because she knows the National Hockey League is inching ahead at glacial speed towards — get ready for it! — two entire months of playoff hockey on television night after night, after night! “Gary, the hockey season began almost seven months ago in September. Why does it take this long to finally get around to start the playoffs?” “Well Dear there are 32 teams. And each team has...

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Living Retired — ‘Clothes Call’

Posted by on Mar 17, 2024 in Retirement Humour | Comments Off on Living Retired — ‘Clothes Call’

Living Retired — ‘Clothes Call’

Living Retired — ‘Clothes Call’ By Gary Chalk. The idiom ‘clothes make the man’ is a reminder that the way we dress can influence how others perceive us. Case in point… Recently, Jan and I — okay Jan — oversaw a closet makeover of our master bedroom walk-in closet. When the time came to install the new cabinets, we needed to set up a temporary closet. “Gary, let’s make it easy and use the dining room as our closet.” “Jan, that’s a really good idea. When I slop chicken cacciatore down my shirt I can change without getting up from the dining...

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