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Posted by on Nov 23, 2015 in Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |




Why is it that some questions do not have answers?

I dunno.

Here’s what I mean…

Political pundits are asked when Donald Trump will sag in the polls and throw in the towel– make that his comb– and withdraw from the race to become the Republican nominee for president.

They respond– 19 times out of 20– with a thoughtful, reasoned answer: “I dunno.”

Here’s my question for the political pundits: “Why do you call it the ‘race’ for the White House.” It lasts longer than being on hold when you call your cable provider?

The pundits have the same answer, “Good question. I dunno.”

A question I’ve been asked is: “Gary when are you going to have a website on the Internet for Living Retired

I dunno.

What I do know is that a website to promote yourself is mandatory these days. Just like when you go out for dinner and the waiter brings your lamb shank and kale with a side of couscous– it is mandatory that you snap a photograph and share it with your friends on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest. Why?

I dunno.

Before the Internet was invented by the great American inventor– Al Gore– all the information you could ever want was printed in thick books called encyclopedias. They were sold at the leading centres of learning in those days: grocery stores.

Each week our parents would go grocery shopping for the staples: cans of creamed corn and jars of Cheese Whiz to spread on celery sticks. At the checkout they’d buy that weeks volume of the encyclopedia for their children.

When the kids went away to college parents trucked complete 32- volume sets of unread encyclopedias to landfill sites across North America. It’s a little known fact but the modern day hip replacement surgery is traced back to the disposal of these encyclopedias.

Today, all the information is available on websites developed by people called ‘web designers.’

You’ll know when you’re talking with a web designer. These geeks use computer terminology.

“So Gary how much ram have you got in your tower?”

“I dunno.”

Here’s another telltale sign that you are in the midst of a web designer.

You are at a house party– which means you’re standing in your sock feet in someone’s kitchen– with shrimp sauce spattered down the front of your shirt.

The person you’re talking to says they’re a web designer. But you already knew because they can’t lift their beer glass without grimacing. Yep, they’ve got carpal tunnel syndrome.

Carpal tunnel syndrome is an occupational hazard of web designers.

Another occupational hazard of web designers is that they work at home. So this means that every hour is happy hour. This is why the job is so attractive!

Working at home allows web designers to enjoy tax advantages. They write off legitimate business expenses such as their telephone, mileage, the home office… and the dogs expensive ‘Fortified With Iron’ kibble

If you click you will be on my website.

Go ahead ask, “Hey Gary will I enjoy your website”?

I dunno.