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Posted by on Oct 12, 2015 in Retirement Humour, Retirement Living |

THOSE TWO WORDS: ‘DECOR ITEMS.’ – Living Retired #120

THOSE TWO WORDS: ‘DECOR ITEMS.’ – Living Retired #120

I am on a mission. I need answers.

Can anyone– and I mean ANYONE– please tell me the purpose of a charger?

I’m not talking about the San Diego Chargers.

Obviously, the football playing Chargers have a purpose: they provide men with a reason to tailgate, drink beer, watch cheerleaders, and bet money they don’t have. What more can a guy ask for!

What I am talking about are the chargers displayed on dining room tables.

You know those large round decorative plates about the size of hubcaps. But at least hubcaps serve a purpose.

I mean as soon as the time comes for the guests to come to sit down at the dinner table– the hostess dashes in and immediately places a salad plate or soup bowl right overtop the charger plate!

This all happens within a blink of an eyelash right after one of the guests– always a woman– compliments the hostess on her beautiful chargers. Poof! Just like that the chargers are covered up!

Charger plates fit in the category called: ‘decor items.’ I realize ‘decor items’ is unknown terminology to men.

Of course the granddaddy of ‘decor items’ is– here it comes– the decorator pillow.

Every night– to get into bed– you have to throw all the decorator pillows onto the floor!

Then when you get up during the night to go to the bathroom you trip over them and your swearing wakes your wife!

Recently I went shopping with my wife. As we reached the car she announced: “Gary we need some new decor items.”

Under my breath I muttered those two words: Pier One.

“Gary did you say something?”

“Coming dear.”

At the store Jan said, “I’ve got my folder of colour chips. Can you carry this plastic bag? It has the samples of our new family room curtains.”

Now picture this…

I’m walking into a Pier One store AND I’m carrying a large plastic shopping bag stuffed with curtain samples.


I gotta tell you guys: it’s not like waking into a stadium and buying a watered down beer for $12. I mean that I can understand.

We walked through the store and saw more decor items than Donald Trump has supporters– and that’s a lot!

Soon, linguists are meeting to discuss adding ‘Decor Items’ to the dictionary.

Word has it that ‘Decor Items’ is being considered along with another phrase foreign to men: ‘Wedding Planners.’