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Posted by on Dec 21, 2015 in Retirement Humour, Retirement Living |



Who writes song lyrics anyway?

Some guy writes about leaving his cake out in the rain in Macarthur Park!

Someone else writes about ten lords a leaping in The Twelve Days of Christmas.

The last time ten lords were seen a leaping was in the British parliament when English Arsenal went on a scoring spree and scored a goal and beat the crap out of Barcelona 1- nil. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Again this year, instead of the Twelve Days of Christmas here is my third annual Twelve WORDS of Christmas. Each greeting is expressed in twelve words.

1.      ‘Merry Christmas. Hello. It’s me. No not Adele. Stephen Harper. Remember me?’

2.      ‘Merry Christmas. Hello. It’s Adele. Are you sick of this song yet?’

3.      ‘Merry Christmas. OMG! My husband bought all my gifts at Victoria Secret!’

4.      ‘Merry Christmas. Honey have seen my Speedo? What are you laughing about?’

5.      ‘Merry Christmas. Arthritis, constipation, post nasal drip, irritable bowel syndrome. Happy holidays.’

6.      ‘Merry Christmas. I hung outdoor lights that don’t blink. The tradition continues!’

7.      ‘Merry Christmas. I opened a kitchen cupboard. I’m buried in Tupperware containers!’

8.      ‘Merry Christmas. Grandchildren visiting for Christmas. We need batteries, earplugs …and alcohol.’

9.      ‘Merry Christmas. Enjoy your holidays. Income tax returns are due in April.’

10.     ‘Merry Christmas. BREAKING NEWS: Husband put toilet seat down. First time ever!’

11.     ‘Merry Christmas. For sale: home gym including treadmill and weights. Used once.’

12.     ‘Merry Christmas. Brazil Olympics begin this summer. Here are today’s doping disqualifications.’

13.     ‘Merry Christmas. Honey you there? I’m fixing the bathroom tap. Help! OMG!’

14.     ‘ Merry Christmas. Three words you never want to hear: President Donald Trump.’

15.     ‘Merry Christmas. Elf is on the shelf. Parents are now drinking excessively.’

16.     ‘Merry Christmas. #1 cause of men’s knee surgery: tripping over decorator pillows.’

17.     Merry Christmas. Aneybodee no howe mush alkerhaul ya ad to ferrute kake?’

And finally, Twelve WORDS of Christmas from Living Retired…

18.     ‘Merry Christmas. Enjoy the beauty of the holidays. Peace. Jan and Gary.’