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Posted by on May 17, 2016 in Retirement Humour, Retirement Living |

SHE SAID, HE SAID- Living Retired #147

SHE SAID, HE SAID- Living Retired #147


It is a textbook case: men are from Mars, women are from Venus.

She said: “Dear I’m meeting up with the girls tonight at a new restaurant that opened.”

He said: “You’re going to one of those trendy restaurants that women enjoy? The ones that serve ‘small plates’ and make spritzers with fresh organic fruit. Probably a restaurant that doesn’t decorate the walls by nailing graphic diagrams of how to apply the Heimlich maneuver.”

She said, “You shouldn’t be that way dear. We’re going to have fun. I made the reservation for 8 o’clock.”

He said, ” Reservations? What’s wrong with just arriving and waiting in the bar with a germ-infested gizmo that vibrates when your table becomes available!”

She said, “Do you like me in this purple pashmina scarf?

He said, “Sure can’t be as comfortable as a camouflage hunting shirt with John Deere across the back!”

She said, “We requested to sit in a booth.”

He said, “Probably have some soothing ambient lighting; and flickering accent candles. How can you enjoy a meal with friends without 37 big screen televisions tuned into every football game being played in North America?”

She said, “I’ve been watching what I’m eating these days dear. This restaurant has heart healthy items on the menu.”

He said, “Yeah, food men would never eat: low in saturated fats; a significant source of daily fibre. No sugar, no salt, no fat just adds up to no taste.”

She said, “To keep hydrated we’ll likely order bottled spring water.”

He said, “Just write the types of beer on a blackboard on the wall! Men drink it in bottles, glasses, cans, jugs… you name it.”

She said, “Apparently the chef bakes an amazing organic salmon served with aioli.”

He said, “I don’t need a waiter to tell me the chef has prepared roasted California kale with foraged wild mushrooms and locally sourced scallions alongside an Asian pear coated in lemon rice wine vinaigrette. Men eat fries, not something called ‘frites!’ And we don’t do tofu with sun dried tomatoes.”

She said, “I’m really looking forward to talking with the girls tonight.”

He said, “You’ll talk about something more than football? Things like cleansing your body of unwanted toxins? Any card carrying man would never get caught talking about exfoliating. I can hear it now: actual conversations where you are expected to ask about someone’s family– and mean it!”

She said, “They say the service at this restaurant is outstanding.”

He said, “I don’t need a waiter to gently place an espresso-coloured napkin on my lap. And when I go to the washroom I don’t need to dry my hands on 100 thread count Egyptian linen hand towels from a wicker basket. Everywhere men go we already have something to wipe our hands on– our pants!”

She said, “I’m going now dear. What are you going to do while I’m away?”

He said, “I’ll just take it easy and watch the game on television; have a beer and some beef jerky. I’m going to bed early I’ve got an appointment with the Doctor first thing in the morning. It’s my annual physical.”