POOP: PARTY OF OPPORTUNISTIC POLITICIANS – Living Retired #141
I’m Gary Chalk and I approve this political message.
Do you know the difference between Canadian and American election campaigns?
The American presidential campaign drags on for more than a year! To be fair the candidates develop important policy papers on economic and healthcare reform– while flying in their campaign plane watching Bubble Guppies on Nickelodeon.
Canadians elect our Prime Minister in only 2 months! We don’t bother with education and healthcare reform. We have to get the voting over so we can travel to Florida to lineup for ‘Early Bird All-You-Can-Eat’ dinner buffets.
I’m convinced that Canadians can learn a thing or two about electing our politicians by watching the current American election campaign.
Let’s start with Wolf Blitzer. When does this guy sleep? He’s on CNN more than the Kardashians are on Twitter!
As fas as I can determine CNN has three types of news stories…
1. ‘BREAKING NEWS.’
2. ‘DEVELOPING STORY’ and,
3. ‘STORY YOU DON’T WANT TO TURN YOUR TELEVISION OFF BECAUSE IT MAY BE BECOME BREAKING NEWS THAT LEADS TO A DEVELOPING STORY.
Here is how it works….
‘BREAKING NEWS’ is when Donald Trump makes one of his innocuous comments to add some substance to the election, “That sawed off runt Marco Rubio is even trying to grow his hair like mine! Next he will dye it blond!”
‘DEVELOPING STORY’ happens when Rubio responds, “See there Donald goes again! However, I’ll check the polls to see if I should grow my hair more like Donald’s.”
‘STORY YOU DON’T WANT TO TURN YOUR TELEVISION OFF BECAUSE IT MAY BECOME BREAKING NEWS THAT BECOMES A DEVELOPING STORY’ happens when Ted Cruz pleads, “Hey, the polls confirm that my hair attracts the evangelical vote!”
At the debates politicians demonstrate their ability to not answer questions…
Moderator: “Mr. Trump please explain in detail how your position on unemployment is different from your opponents.”
Trump: “Unemployment is a very real problem. Healthcare is on everyone’s mind. I’ve got plans. Did I tell you I’m self-funding my campaign?”
Ted Cruz interrupts. “See once again Donald didn’t answer the question! You specifically asked about unemployment so let me tell you what I’m going to do about the National Public Radio budget.”
Trump screams, “Jeb- the politician with no last name- your breath stinks!”
Jeb erupts, “Hey I’m the candidate of choice of all the one name stars: Madona, Sting, and Prince. If Butros Butros used one of his names he’d support me too! So there!”
Governor Kasich– the voice of reason at the debates chimes in, “Please gentlemen let’s be considerate of others. It’s not Jebs fault his breath smells like Gary Indiana!”
By now the candidates are tossing the lecterns at each other. The debate looks like a European soccer match! At the airport protestors are tipping planes over!
If the candidates are dumb, political junkies like me who watch the debates are even dumber. Why else would the networks hire political pundits to tell us who won the debate by screaming the loudest and throwing the best insults!
There is a large pool of opinionated political pundits to choose from. They may be government lobbyists who are in between gigs, politicians who lost their reelection campaign or political hacks who have been released from jail for embezzling funds.
Speaking of embezzling funds, politics is the only profession where people want a job so much that they convince millions of hardworking slugs to donate any leftover money to finance their job search!
The message has been paid by POOP: Party Of Opportunistic Politicians.