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Posted by on Jun 20, 2016 in Retirement Humour, Retirement Living |




This summers ‘must watch’ event is happening soon.

I’m not talking about dad backing a house trailer the size of a Walmart Superstore into a campsite– nervously looking at his wife through mirrors strapped onto the car as she holds her hands 2 inches apart and says, “You’ve got 3 feet”… before she lets out a bloodcurdling scream, “I SAID STOP! CAN’T YOU LISTEN!!”

What I am talking about is the 2016 Summer Olympics in Brazil.

Back in 2009 four finalists were in the running for the 2016 Olympics- Chicago, Madrid, Tokyo and Rio de Janeiro. The announcement of the winner was a real nail biter. But in the end, delegates AKA: taxpayers from Chicago, Madrid and Tokyo danced deliriously in the streets when Brazil was selected!

When the announcement was made, the Brazilian Olympic Organizers-‘BOO!’- scared everyone! They took an oath: ‘We promise the Games will come in on budget and will not cost the taxpayers.’

Brazilians were upset!  Swimmers wearing tongs protested on Copacabana Beach– led by Sergio Mendez– in a rousing rendition of ‘Blame It On The Bossa Nova.’ In an unprecedented move workers  removed Brazil nuts from cans of Christmas mixed nuts!

To be awarded the games, cities fight it out with each other– particularly in the important areas of political instability, economic turmoil and corruption.

Brazil has political instability in spades! Recently, President Rousseff was impeached for supposedly using illegal accounting techniques. What’s worse is she tore the ‘Contains new material only. Do not remove by penalty of law’ tags off her decorator pillows!!

What probably helped tip the scales in Brazil’s favour was their rate of inflation– a whopping 373% since 1980! The selection committee congratulated Rio  for being sufficiently financially broke AND for not allowing citizens to watch Wolf Blitzer on CNN tell them all day every day for seven months that they are financially broke.

So with only a month or so from the start the dash is on. Not the 100-metre dash– but the dash to ensure the facilities are ready.

To save money and avoid cost overruns the athletes village will be constructed using chicken wire covered in paper mache.

Planning for the opening ceremonies– when the athletes parade around the track taking selfies of themselves with the members of the beach volleyball team– has begun. Across the world, families will gather to watch the spectacle on television: women to see what each countries athletes are wearing; men to see the beach volleyball team.

It’s not the Olympics without stories about athletes using performance enhancing drugs. This is one of the advantages of Brazil: Columbia is so close by.

So here’s a pre-Olympic primer on Rio de Janeiro…

Rio residents can dance deliriously in the streets with the best of them. Every February they donn as little clothing as possible and dance and drink like the Germans at Oktoberfest, the college students at Mardi Gras in New Orleans, or European soccer fans when leaving a stadium– although these people also overturn cars.

Brazil is known most for professional soccer. From a young age Brazilians play soccer to learn teamwork, sportsmanship, motor skills, agility and coordination. The ultimate dream is to become a member of the national team– and collapse to the ground after suffering a violent collision with a formidable object such as a dandelion. Now that’s a soccer superstar!