MARCH BREAK FOR DUMMIES- Living Retired #143
This is a Living Retired ‘Teaching Moment.’
Let’s talk about the evolution of Spring Break.
When we were kids it happened Sunday night about 9 o’clock. Right in the middle of Bonanza mom would scream, “Oh my gosh! The kids are off school next week! What are we going to do?”
Dad would peak from behind the newspaper and say, “Dear don’t worry. After you finish the laundry and go out with the ladies just set the oven to heat some lunch for the kids. You’ll be home by 5. They’ll be fine!”
My how times have changed…
Today, parents overcompensate when it comes to protecting their children. While watching The Bachelor they realize it’s Spring Break so they grab their iPhone and text ‘OMG!’
Instantly, hundreds of their ‘followers’– who appreciate the seriousness of the matter– respond with offers of help such as, ‘:)).’
One very concerned person will even go so far as to say, ‘(//:((‘
Spring Break for many college students is a time when they pack their bathing suit and head to Daytona Beach to drink cheap beer– and study.
However, college students enrolled in co-op programs remain home. They take advantage of valuable mentorship programs set up by the university placement office.
For instance, a 4th year med student will serve an internship at a burrito takeout shop. If they are really lucky it will be in their hometown so they can move back home and drink their parents beer. In the evening they help dad vacuum the water in the basement. After all it is spring! A time when sump pumps are legislated to break down.
Now let’s get down to the nitty gritty on preparing to go away for Spring Break…
First, heave your dilapidated excuse for a suitcase plastered with shredded airline luggage stickers onto your bed. The suitcase can be found in the basement in the furnace room– across from the sump pump that will break down while you are away.
Women toss the following items into your suitcase: your new bathing suit; your new coverup; your new summer shorts; your new summer tops; your new summer sweaters; your new summer shoes; your new summer slacks; your new summer makeup… heck everything is new so throw it all in!
Men toss the following items into your suitcase: your swimsuit that doesn’t fit; your summer shorts that don’t fit; your beer logo t-shirts that don’t fit; and the same book you’ve never read that you pack for every vacation since your honeymoon.
Next, grab your passport. This is the official government-issued document that you never leave home without when you travel. Yes, the one containing the professional photograph of you that would identify yourself if you were ever booked for a terror incident– or stupid enough to attempt to parallel park at Times Square.
When you’ve completed packing your suitcase you have a decision to make: it’s already too late to head to the airport because today’s security guidelines mean boarding for March Break flights was completed last Thanksgiving!
Instead, jump in your car and drive to the closest land border crossing. You’ll identify the route: it’s the road with a 17-mile traffic jam leading to the point where they funnel a gazillion cars into the 3 inspection centres they opened for March Break.
It is customary as you inch your vehicle towards the border that the ‘Law of Variation’ will come about: ‘when you change lanes the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.’
Whatever you do be careful when you roll the car window down to hand over your passports– particularly if you’ve snacked on garlic and jalapeño beef jerky!
Oh yeah when the Custom Agent looks at your passport photo and doubles over laughing don’t take it personally.
Bon voyage! Living Retired #143
By Gary Chalk
March 21, 2016
MARCH BREAK FOR DUMMIES.
This is a Living Retired ‘Teaching Moment.’
Let’s talk about the evolution of Spring Break.
When we were kids it happened Sunday night about 9 o’clock. Right in the middle of Bonanza mom would scream, “Oh my gosh! The kids are off school next week! What are we going to do?”
Dad would peak from behind the newspaper and say, “Dear don’t worry. After you finish the laundry and go out with the ladies just set the oven to heat some lunch for the kids. You’ll be home by 5. They’ll be fine!”
My how times have changed…
Today, parents overcompensate when it comes to protecting their children. While watching The Batchelor they realize it’s Spring Break so they grab their iPhone and text ‘OMG!’
Instantly, hundreds of their ‘followers’– who appreciate the seriousness of the matter– respond with offers of help such as, ‘:)).’
One very concerned person will even go so far as to say, ‘(//:((‘
Spring Break for many college students is a time when they pack their bathing suit and head to Daytona Beach to drink cheap beer– and study.
However, college students enrolled in co-op programs remain home. They take advantage of valuable mentorship programs set up by the university placement office.
For instance, a 4th year med student will serve an internship at a burrito takeout shop. If they are really lucky it will be in their hometown so they can move back home and drink their parents beer. In the evening they help dad vacuum the water in the basement. After all it is spring! A time when sump pumps are legislated to break down.
Now let’s get down to the nitty gritty on preparing to go away for Spring Break…
First, heave your dilapidated excuse for a suitcase plastered with shredded airline luggage stickers onto your bed. The suitcase can be found in the basement in the furnace room– across from the sump pump that will break down while you are away.
Women toss the following items into your suitcase: your new bathing suit; your new coverup; your new summer shorts; your new summer tops; your new summer sweaters; your new summer shoes; your new summer slacks; your new summer makeup… heck everything is new so throw it all in!
Men toss the following items into your suitcase: your swimsuit that doesn’t fit; your summer shorts that don’t fit; your beer logo t-shirts that don’t fit; and the same book you’ve never read that you pack for every vacation since your honeymoon.
Next, grab your passport. This is the official government-issued document that you never leave home without when you travel. Yes, the one containing the professional photograph of you that would identify yourself if you were ever booked for a terror incident– or stupid enough to attempt to parallel park at Times Square.
When you’ve completed packing your suitcase you have a decision to make: it’s already too late to head to the airport because today’s security guidelines mean boarding for March Break flights was completed last Thanksgiving!
Instead, jump in your car and drive to the closest land border crossing. You’ll identify the route: it’s the road with a 17-mile traffic jam leading to the point where they funnel a gazillion cars into the 3 inspection centres they opened for March Break.
It is customary as you inch your vehicle towards the border that the ‘Law of Variation’ will come about: ‘when you change lanes the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.’
Whatever you do be careful when you roll the car window down to hand over your passports– particularly if you’ve snacked on garlic and jalapeño beef jerky!
Oh yeah when the Custom Agent looks at your passport photo and doubles over laughing don’t take it personally.
Bon voyage!
