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Posted by on May 27, 2024 in Retirement Humour |

Living Retired –‘Why am I Here?’

Living Retired –‘Why am I Here?’

Living Retired — ‘Why Am I Here?’

By Gary Chalk.

This is a conversation Jan and I had the other day. The identity of the people has not been changed to protect their identity because, well, I already said it is Jan and myself.

It all began when I called out, “Jan, why am I here?”

“Gary, that thought crosses my mind every day. I have no idea why you are here.”

“Jan, I am here in the bedroom bathroom. I know I came here for a reason, but now that I am here, I don’t know why I came?”

“Well Gary, after you figure out why you’re in the bathroom please remember to put the toilet seat down and spray room deodorizer.”

A couple of minutes later, Jan told me she had forwarded an email to me that I should read. That’s when it dawned on me: I had gone to the bathroom looking for my iPhone. So I returned, still no iPhone — although this time I did remember to put the toilet seat down.

It turned out I left my iPhone on the front seat in my car. I found it when I was looking for my sunglasses. Just then the iPhone rang. It was Jan.

“Gary, I don’t know where you are but if you come across my purse please let me know.”

“Jan I am in my car in the garage. I was looking for my sunglasses and discovered I left my iPhone on the dash. I don’t see your purse here. And I didn’t find my sunglasses.”

I looked everywhere for Jan’s purse. Eventually, I wound up in the laundry room where I discovered the purse in a laundry basket, along with my sunglasses!

I did not know where Jan was, so I sent her a text message, “Dear, I found your purse here in the laundry room.”

Later, I was going about my chores when my iPhone pinged. It was a text message from Jan, “Can you please bring me my purse from the laundry room. I am down in the basement. Thanks.”

I texted Jan, “Dear I am on my way to the post office. If you need your purse I left it on the countertop in the laundry room, right beside my sunglasses. I forgot to bring them with me.”

Jan texted back, “Gary, I’m not sure why you are going to the post office, because you forgot the parcel I wanted you to mail to my sister in Baltimore, it is on the laundry room countertop beside your sunglasses.

At the post office it happened yet again: why am I here? Just then Jan called, “Gary please pick up one of those heavy-duty mailing envelopes. Sorry, I forgot to tell you.”

Hmm, look who is forgetting now.


Living Retired is written by syndicated humour columnist Gary Chalk.


Listen to ‘Living Retired: The Radio Edition’ Friday mornings 10:30 – 11:00 on The Mike Farwell Show on CityNews570.


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