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Posted by on Jan 24, 2022 in Retirement Humour |

Living Retired — ‘It’s In The Bag-gie’

Living Retired — ‘It’s In The Bag-gie’

Living Retired — ‘It’s In The Bag-gie’

You are reading about it here first: at the Chalk household ‘BAGGIES ARE BOSS!’

I am talking about those small clear plastic sandwich baggies you buy at the grocery store to keep your tuna sandwiches fresh. Jan and I use them all the time for everything – EXCEPT SANDWICHES!

“Jan, I am looking for the Crazy Glue. Have you seen it?”

“Yes Dear, I am pretty sure you’ll find it in one of the baggies in the laundry room drawer. Probably beside the baggie of plastic poker chips.”

“But Gary if you want the wood glue look in a baggie in your workshop beside the baggie of leftover screws from the IKEA shelf you assembled.”

We have lots of valuable items that need to be kept safe and secure. This is why we stash them in cheap flimsy baggies. Birthday candles, travel-size containers of OFF! insect repellant, and citronella tealights are put away in baggies.

A hodgepodge of replacement batteries for our television remotes, flashlights, and wine bottle cork opener are kept in baggies. The blister pack of felt floor protectors for our kitchen chairs is in a baggie, along with the warranty instructions for my beard trimmer.

If Jan decides to hang the watercolour painting she is doing, she will be able to find everything she needs – picture frame wire, wall brackets, and screws — in a baggie.

Not to brag, but we have our very own in-home Staples Office Supply Store. Pull open a kitchen drawer and it is all there: baggies of paperclips, yellow florescent highlighters, erasers, Post-It Notes, and not one or two but three glue sticks! Staples advertises, ‘That was easy.’ I say, ‘This is easier!’

And what guy doesn’t want his very own in-home Lowes Store? I have baggies of Marr connectors, miscellaneous Allen wrenches, a measuring tape, and a special screwdriver I use to tighten the itty-bitty screws on my sunglasses. Its all there. Lowes advertises, ‘Do it right for less.’ I say, ‘Do it right in a baggie.’

Jan just loves her in-home beauty shop. The bathroom vanity drawers open up to baggies of makeup brushes, mascara remover, emery boards, and eyelid cleansing wipes.

Here is a tip. The next time you are planning a trip instead of going to the bank or a currency exchange store in the mall you can select from the loose change we have accumulated from our vacations. You can choose from baggies of euros, francs, pesos, korunas, and liras.

We also have a ‘Mixed Bag of Baggies’ drawer. My Dudley combination lock from my gym bag is in its own baggie. Another baggie has a small container of touch-up paint labelled ‘Jan’s Jeep’ – which she traded in back in 2010. I am not making this up, but you can even listen to my last show on the radio – because we have a copy of it on a cassette – in a baggie. Good luck finding the cassette player.

But this barrage of baggies gets worse! We store things that are already in their own package – in a baggie! Staples come in their own little box, right? But at our place we put the box of staples in a baggie. HUH? Same thing for those small containers of Kiwi shoe polish. Seal them in a baggie and the shoe polish is fresh forever.

I wonder what this means to our family when someday they will have to go through all our possessions. Someone is going to be left holding the bag-gie.