Pages Menu
Categories Menu

Posted by on Dec 26, 2021 in Retirement Humour |

Living Retired — ‘I Am A Basket Case’

Living Retired — ‘I Am A Basket Case’

Living Retired – ‘I Am A Basket Case’

A few weeks ago, I made a comment to Jan that upset her so much that she called me – get ready for it! – a ‘basket case.’

My objection to being called ‘a basket case’ was met with resistance.

“Gary, at least I did not call you a whack-job or a wing-nut, some of the names you have called people.”

“Jan, I am just saying that it sounds rather harsh when you call me a basket case. The next time I say something that perturbs you I would prefer you use the word ‘hamper’ – that sounds a lot more pleasing to me than ‘basket’”

The name-calling coincided with our laundry room renovation. The night before the crew arrived to demolish the laundry room, Jan and I removed everything from the shelves and cupboards. It was mostly non-laundry things: cookbooks, canned goods, and, well, let’s just call it ‘miscellaneous stuff.’

“Jan, why are we storing our crockpots in the laundry room? And why do we have two – doesn’t one slow cooker cook slow enough?”

Jan’s response cut to the chafe. “Okay Gary, can you tell me why you keep a screwdriver, hammer, and wrench in the laundry room drawer – other than those are the tools you use to change lightbulbs? Are you some kind of whacko!”

Jan came up with an interim solution for what to do with everything. She said we should load all the stuff in plastic laundry hampers and store them in the dining room until the laundry room is finished. I immediately frowned because those damn plastic laundry hampers are like the plethora of plastic food containers we stockpile in our kitchen cupboards – they are EVERYWHERE! The last time I opened the cupboard where we store our food containers I almost lost my life – an avalanche of assorted colours and sizes of mismatched lids and containers swept down overtop the countertop and slid across the kitchen floor!

Are we the only ones? I swear our weekly grocery shopping list includes everyday staples: bread, milk, and plastic food containers and laundry hampers!

I suggested to Jan the renovated laundry room will not need new flooring because we can spread out all our plastic laundry hampers, and no one will ever see the floor. That is when it happened. Jan declared, “Gary, you are a basket case!”


We are a month into our laundry room renovation project. Lets just say that the expression ‘your home is a collection of what you love’ must mean that Jan and I love a mess! The heap of hampers in the dining room is a sight for sore eyes. You have to look long and hard to find the dining room table that seats six – it is buried underneath laundry hampers!

“Jan, I am looking for the Tide so I can go to the laundromat. Have you seen it?”

“Look in the laundry hamper that has the baggie of felt floor protectors, your old BlackBerry, and those thingamajigs we use to twist lids off jars.”

The bad news is I waded into the dining room and tripped over the hamper containing a hodgepodge of picture hooks, old television remotes, and a roll of butchers twine. The good news is the other laundry hampers broke my fall and I was perched on top a tub of tablecloths!


“That is so ridiculous, Gary. What should I call you now – nitwit? How’s that?”

Soon, the workers will complete the laundry room project and Jan and I will haul the hampers back. Everything will be assigned its place in the new cupboards – including multiple half-used spray cans of winter boot protector, a couple of small appliance light bulbs, and our mammoth mishmash of aluminum pie plates!

Oh, the handful of scented candles that have lost their scent — without a doubt we will save them. Some things never change for this screwball.