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Posted by on May 6, 2021 in Retirement Humour |




Economists and politicians are showing their true Covid colours. The economists see green. The politicians see shades of Crayola.

Every evening economists espouse everything economic. They appear on television telling baby boomers that our nest egg that we worked so hard to save for all these years has – to us financial terminology – TANKED!

So, the other night when a leading economist – is there such a things as an entry level economist? – said that he was going to put everything into perspective using clear, concise words, naturally Jan and I perked up.

This is what he said: “Policy makers should rely on a theoretical construct representing economic processes by a set of variables combined with logical quantitative relationships.”

Jan’s eyes glossed over. “Gary, what the hell does that mean?”

I tried to use an analogy Jan would appreciate. “Dear, he said our retirement portfolio has gone to hell in your Coach handbag!” Jan pursed her lips, but I won’t write here what she said to me!

Another leading economist offered his two cents worth suggesting that trickle down economics would reinvigorate the economy. That’s when I squirmed in my Lazy Boy chair.

“Gary, what is your problem with trickle down economics?”

“Jan, when guys hear ‘trickle down’ we immediately think of getting up during the night to go to the bedroom and tripping over dozens of decorator pillows scattered on the bedroom floor!”

Jan was clearly frustrated. “Gary, there you go again with decorator pillows! Please can you just let it pee!”

The good news is economists agree that our country is poised to do better. The bad news is this won’t happen until the politicians have exhausted every friggin’ colour of the Pantone colour guide for their Covid Colour Code system.

The purpose of the Covid Colour Code system is to tell us what we can and cannot do on any given day. It isn’t black and white – some days some stores and services can open, others cannot.

“Jan, according to the Covid Colour Code system today we are in the ‘Grey’ lockdown phase. There are so many restrictions limiting what we can do that I am confused. During ‘Grey’ lockdown can we watch Greys Anatomy tonight?”

“I think so Gary. I’ll wear something from my Covid Closet Collection. I’m thinking of that little black Hazmat suit you like me in.”

Friends called a few nights later. They too are confused…

“Gary, this Covid colour code is crap! All I want to know is when I can play golf?”

“Hey Steve, my best guess is that you will have to wait until the ‘Yellow’ lockdown phase. It will be a golden opportunity for you to wear your gaudy yellow golf slacks. They’ll go well with your compression socks. Just saying.”

It has been an entire year of Covid Couple Confinement. Add in the governments Covid Colour Code system and baby boomers are Covid colour code confused! Here is what I mean…

Men don’t know what phase we can use our ‘Just For Men Beard & Moustache.’ It is even worse for blondes! They have worked themselves into a tizzy afraid that the Covid Colour Code cops will catch them red-handed using their Clairol Root Touch-up smack dab in the middle of an ‘Orange’ lockdown phase!

Who knows where we will end up but if Ontario ever finds itself hovering between the ‘Red’ lockdown phase and the ‘Green’ lockdown phase I’ve got reruns of Red Greens Possum Lodge ready to go.

As rosy as the economic outlook is, it is the Covid Colour Code system that concerns me most. Is it a pigment of someone’s imagination?