Living Retired — ‘Corny Comedy’
Living Retired — ‘Corny Comedy’
By Gary Chalk.
Do you enjoy Dad jokes? Here’s one: what did the janitor say when he came out of the closet? “Supplies!!!”
Our granddaughters — Daliyah, 10 years old, and Yasmina, 8 years old — love Dad jokes. “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.”
Recently, Jan and I went with Daliyah and Yasmina to Ripley’s Aquarium in Toronto. Everything was going swimmingly well (sorry, I couldn’t pass that one up) until one point when we were surrounded by fish in aquariums that were not only right beside us but also overtop. This is when it happened…
Suddenly, a massive giant fish swam alongside us! This startled the bejeebers out of Jan. She grabbed my arm and screamed, “Gary, I didn’t see that one coming!”
“Jan, it was a huge hammerhead shark. He nailed his appearance.” (Well, at least I laughed.)
However, move over Dad jokes, Mom jokes have arrived. Here is what I mean…
It is quasi-dark in much of Ripley’s Aquarium and we were walking behind three women who were all wearing tall black leather stiletto-style high heels. It could not have been comfortable.
As we were leaving Jan said, “Gary, they should have worn something more sensible for all that walking.”
With that Jan looked down at her comfortable slip-on Skechers and said, “Gary, I feel like a fish out of water.”
I didn’t get it at first, so Jan repeated, “Gary, we are at Ripley’s Aquarium, which is why I said I feel like a fish out of water. Get it?”
“Jan, I haven’t known you to ever be fishing for complements. Get it?” I laughed. (If I listened carefully, I could probably hear our granddaughters who each has a great sense of humour groan, “Grandpa, everything you say is fishy!”)
Jan has come out with some more Mom jokes. For instance, the diet challenge we signed up for could not end soon enough, and one time when I stepped on the bathroom scales Jan said, “Gary, when these weekly weigh-ins finally end it will be a weight off my shoulders.”
Another Jan joke…
“Gary, I was packing our luggage for our trip and discovered an old pack of gum. It is in mint condition.”
Speaking of our trip. We fly to Amsterdam before boarding the ship for Norway the next day, so Jan suggested we take a tour of the famous Dutch windmills, saying, “Gary, I am a huge fan of windmills.”
Who knows Jan’s jokes may lead her onstage at an open mic comedy club…
“Please welcome to the stage this evening Joking Jovial Jan!”
“Good evening how is everyone this evening? Are you having a good time? How many men does it take to replace a roll of toilet paper? Nobody knows because its never happened!”
Jan’s corny jokes are killing me. It is no laughing matter.
Living Retired is written by humour columnist Gary Chalk.
