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Posted by on Dec 13, 2021 in Retirement Humour |

Living Retired — ‘Call Me Dick Clark’

Living Retired — ‘Call Me Dick Clark’

Living Retired — ‘Call Me Dick Clark’

Now I know how Dick Clark felt all those years — you know being Americas oldest teenager.

It all started when Jan and I received our Covid-19 booster vaccinations. When we entered the clinic they asked us to confirm our personal health information — including our birth dates. Then, at the next desk they reconfirmed our personal health information — asking us when our birthdays were. When I was seated with my sleeve rolled up the nurse asked me — it is THE THIRD TIME now — to confirm my birthdate!

“Mr. Chalk do you know when your birthday is?”

“Yes. I sure do!” I said.

Silence. The nurse was not impressed with my humour. It sure made me laugh. Just saying. But when he looked down at my information sheet and realized my age he said, “Wow Mr. Chalk you sure do not look your age!’

“Thanks, I do not know about not looking my age. What I do know is my wife is always screaming at me to act my age.” Again, I howled at my humour! I am sure he thought I was some kind of a nut case. I was hoping he would ask me to spell my name. “S-e-i-n-f-e-l-d.” I am sooo funny!

Maybe my attempt at humour was to divert my mind from the fact I was having ANOTHER needle. So far, it has been 3 Pfizer vaccines, this winters flu shot; and next week my doctor has me booked for the pneumonia vaccine. With so much going on in the world these days that require needles I guess I see their point! LOL!

Faster than Fred Flintstone could say “Jabba Jabba Doo!” I told the nurse he was very good at giving needles — and even better at recognizing how young I looked! When he stretched a colourful Superhero bandage over where he injected the needle I felt even younger!

Walking over to join Jan where you wait 15 minutes before you can go home it was all I could do to act my age. I wished I would have brought my baseball cap, so I could turn it backwards. Hmmm, maybe I should buy a skateboard and a pair of Vans.

Sitting beside Jan we realized the clinic was set up to provide vaccinations for children. They had a monster television positioned to entertain the kids — but it sure did not impress Jan. Halfway through her waiting period she was quiet. She looked pale. OMG!

“Jan are you alright?”

She managed to point up towards the biggest television screen I have ever seen. There were huge friggin’ snakes slithering through the Amazon rainforest! Bugs the size of Iowa crawled overtop trees! This is not what Jan usually sees watching television — there are no snakes and bugs on Property Brothers.

“Jan, I think they looked at me and thought because of my young appearance I should be watching the National Geographic For Kids channel.” I didn’t have a chance to explain what I meant because soon — but not soon enough for Jan who still had images of creepy-crawlies — we were told to proceed to the checkout desk, ready to go home.

Then it happened again…

“Mr. Chalk can you please confirm your birthdate for me?”

“Yeah, you are probably thinking I don’t look my age right?”

My comment was meant to impress the checkout person — which it did — she smiled and made some remark about me looking much younger than the date on my information sheet. I cannot remember exactly what she said — because at my age I forget things really really fast! When I said, “My wife married a younger man,” Jan sighed and rolled her eyes.

Walking towards our car Jan stopped. “Gary, what on earth was that all about? All that nonsense about you looking so young!”

“Jan I cannot help it when people look at me and think I am a teenager!”

Then I had an idea…

“Jan lets get in the car and drive to somewhere where we can park in the back row of a parking lot… where we can… well, err, you know…”

“Oh, you mean you want to go to Sobeys for our groceries?”

I am not feeling the love.