Living Retired #221- December 18, 2017.

THE TWELVE WORDS of CHRISTMAS.

BREAKING NEWS: The ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’ is old news.

It’s time to put the six geese a laying out to pasture. The eight maids a milking deserve time off. And the ten lords a leaping are all leaped out.

Instead, not back by popular demand, it’s my annual Living Retired ‘Twelve Words of Christmas’–twelve holiday greetings, each saying Merry Christmas in twelve words.

#1. Merry Christmas. Halv I addud enuf alkerhaul two tiss yeers ferrute kayke?

#2. Merry Christmas. Marijuana becomes legal in Canada in 2018. Oh My God!

#3. Merry Christmas. Trumps thumbs admitted to hospital intensive care unit. Prognosis: dire.

#4. Merry Christmas. If you’re coming over we need more batteries and booze.

#5. Merry Christmas. Come over if you can hook up an entertainment system.

#6. Merry Christmas. Enjoy the holidays–the 2020 U. S. Presidential election begins Tuesday!

#7. Merry Christmas. The tradition continues: outdoor lights don’t blink. I don’t care!

#8. Merry Christmas. “Dear, what on earth made you think I could fit into this?”

#9. Merry Christmas. Husband about to carve turkey. Cover kids ears. Call ambulance.

#10. Merry Christmas. 15 strings Christmas lights plugged into 1 outlet. Tradition continues.

#11. Merry Christmas. “Dear, the lights just dimmed upstairs. Have you done something?”

#12. Merry Christmas. Enjoy the beauty of the holidays. Peace, Jan and Gary.