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Posted by on Dec 26, 2016 in Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living, Uncategorized |

Living Retired #176- December 26, 2016

Living Retired #176- December 26, 2016


Final plans for New Years Eve are underway…

Civic officials are planning large scale public festivities.

Married couples are planning their final argument of 2016.

Couples must decide to: A) get dressed up and go out to a fancy schmanzy restaurant and buy expensive alcohol; or B) get invited to a friends house party and drink all their booze!

Men, if you selected ‘A’– make that your wife selected ‘A’– it means your offer to commit to binge watching Home & Garden TV for the month of January 2017 AND watch ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ without puking wasn’t taken seriously.

Most men feel more comfortable at a house party.

While their wife chats with friends and nibbles on shrimp in philo pastry canapés; guys walk around in their sock feet– non-matching socks with holes– dribbling shrimp sauce down the front of their shirt. Ho! Ho! Ho!

But then it happens. It’s midnight and time to sing Aulde Lang Syne.

‘Should aulde acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?’

Then we hum and move our lips like we know the next words…

‘Hmm.. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm… And Hmm.. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmmmm.’

The second verse gets worse. Way worse…

‘We tea hae run about the braes. And pu’d the gowans fine. But we’ve wonder’d mony a weary for, Sin’ Aulde Lang Syne.’

Now that’s RIDICULOUS! Imagine expecting mature middle age men to sing– after drinking alcohol, and wearing a lampshade on their head! Some have even been known to sing with their head submerged in the kids goldfish aquarium!

The designated drivers– who can’t use the excuse they haven’t been drinking– also cannot sing the words to Aulde Lang Syne. They don’t know the lyrics! They also don’t know where they left the car keys. And they’re sober!!

What this world needs is a song for New Year’s Eve where everyone has a good chance of knowing the words!

We need an anthem with classic lyrics. A song with words that have meaning— real meaning! Words everyone can identify with…

‘A Bar bar bar bar Barbara Ann,
Bar bar bar bar Barbara Ann,
Oh Barbra Ann take my hand,
You got me rockin’ and a rollin’
Rockin’ and a reelin’ Barbara Ann,
Bar bar bar Barbara Ann.’

Stay with me…

In the Beach Boys song everybody– and I mean EVERYBODY– can also sing the second verse…

‘Went to a dance,
Looking for romance,
Saw Barbara Ann,
So I thought I’d take a chance.’

Why with this song, everybody even knows the words to the third verse…

‘Tried Betty Sue,
Tried Betty Sue,
Tried Betty Sue,
But I knew she wouldn’t do.’

The only difference between singing this song on New Year’s Eve compared to back when we were teens– is that these days men are wearing relax fit jeans- with spandex!

Happy New Year!

Gary Chalk, a baby boomer is enjoyed retirement. He is a member of Humor Writers of America and muses about what he sees Living Retired. To receive Living Retired each week, to ‘unsubscribe’ or to book Gary’s keynote presentation ‘I Don’t Have Wrinkles, I Have Laugh Lines’ visit

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