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Posted by on Nov 9, 2015 in Retirement Humour, Retirement Living |

DOWNSIZING: ITS A MYTH. – Living Retired #124

DOWNSIZING: ITS A MYTH. – Living Retired #124

In lifestyle magazines photoshopped baby boomers talk about their bucket list: travel, fitness and volunteering.

However, when couples have an opportunity to relax and enjoy each other’s company and just talk– during commercials of Dancing With The Stars– their bucket list is: to have knee surgery, get their teeth whitened and downsize to a smaller home.

Downsizing has an acronym: DS.

However, downsizing is really a bunch of– here’s another acronym: BS!

Here’s why…

By definition downsizing is ‘selling your large 2-story, 4-bedroom home with 2-car garage.’

In practice though downsizing is ‘purchasing a large 1-story, 4-bedroom home with 2-car garage.’

Downsizing begins with a telephone call…

“OMG! Honey you’d better sit down. That was our daughter on the phone. She’s moving back home!”

This news is usually followed by another phone call: 911.

“My wife fainted and smacked her head on the granite countertop.”

When your wife comes around, the first words out of her mouth are: “OMG!! Quick put the house up for sale!”

When my wife and I began looking for our ideal home for retirement, we had no idea it was going to take so long. It got to the point that we considered passing up on our retirementhouse— and move directly to a nursing home and eating pureed roast beef dinners!

We were what real estate agents refer to as ‘particular purchasers.’ However, when the agents meet among themselves, I am sure they use different words. Likely the type of language baseball managers use when they argue with umpires. At least realtors don’t spit!

Our agent was was a pleasant, mild mannered gentleman when we began the home buying process. However, by the time we finally purchased I wouldn’t have blamed him if he considered a career change– to a workplace that didn’t involve having to be nice to people. I’m thinking something perhaps in customer service.

My wife and I were looking for two things in a new home: a design that would allow us to entertain family and friends and be situated on a property with a panoramic outdoor view. Basically we wanted the impossible… with high property taxes.

I insisted on an oversize garage after conducting exhaustive research on cable television. Somewhere between Duck Dynasty, the Kardashians and the Fireplace Channel there was a show about garages.

What I learned is that a two and a half car garage comes in handy after you have moved into your dream home- and your two cars have assumed their position: in the driveway!

Thats because the two and a half car garage is deemed valuable real estate for all the things you decided shouldn’t be thrown away at your former home.

My collection of 45 RPM records, complete with small yellow plastic circular inserts, was carried over to the our new home. However, I did save on packing time because the box hadn’t been opened from my move out of my parents house after high school!

Jan has renamed the two and a half car garage. Now, its appropriately called an ‘attached holding tank’ because everything that we can’t find a place for, is left in the ‘attached holding tank.’ And you know, she’s right.

Sorry honey. Next time I will tell you to sit down before I admit you are correct.

“Hello 911. My wife fainted and smacked her head on the granite countertop.”