Living Retired –‘Don’t Press Your Luck’

Living Retired — ‘Don’t Press Your Luck’

By Gary Chalk.

In a recent Living Retired column ‘To Pee or Not to Pee’ I wrote that Jan mentioned we had to replace our ironing board. I should have ironed out the details but before you could ‘Easy-On Spray Starch makes ironing easier’ I purchased a new ironing board. The day coincided with our anniversary. I should have known better…

You see many years back I wrapped a snow-shovel and placed it under the Christmas tree for Jan. IT WAS A JOKE! But Jan didn’t see the humour. She excitedly tore off the wrapping paper, took one look at the shiny shovel, and regifted it to me — right between my eyes!

Needless to say, that bruised my ego, not to mention my forehead. So, when Jan said we needed a new ironing board I knew better — I would buy an ironing board, but it would not be a gift. Instead, I waited for the perfect time to tell her about the features and benefits of our new ironing board.

“Dear, I bought a new ironing board. It has all the latest bells and whistles.”

“Gary. Where are you going with … Read the rest here

Living Retired — ‘Whatever Floats Your Boat.’

Living Retired— ‘Whatever Floats Your Boat’

By Gary Chalk.

Jan and I recently returned from a seven-day Caribbean cruise with our friends Rick and Judy. It was Rick’s 70th birthday and we all figured what better way to celebrate than spending time together in the sunshine. Well, not so fast ‘Mr. Fly By The Seat of Your Pants’…

“Jan, this is the last time I am going on a cruise if it means having to go through an airport.”

“Settle down Gary. It only took a couple of attempts and some assistance from the friendly Air Canada attendant to figure out how to print our boarding passes. But for the life of me how on earth did you manage to get your luggage tag stuck to your forehead? Other travellers are taking pictures. You’re going to end up on Facebook.”

Before we could join the line to go through Security, we had to get in the line to check our luggage. I heaved our suitcases up on the scale and held my breath. Jan prayed that she wasn’t over the limit.

Minutes later we were snaking our way through the Security line. Back and forth between the ropes. Finally, we … Read the rest here

Living Retired – ‘Careful What you Say’

Living Retired — ‘Careful What You Say’

By Gary Chalk.

Recently, Jan and I qualified to have our latest Covid-19 vaccine boosters. You know the routine: you check-in, present your health card, and then you are directed to have a seat where you wait for the next available nurse to call you up to her station to administer your shot. Easy-peasy, right? Well not so fast Dr. Fauci…

Our appointment to roll up our shirt sleeve got off on the right foot. Jan and I were sitting together waiting. Jan was called up before me. Afterwards we were instructed to go back and have a seat for five minutes before leaving. This is when things went haywire…

I sat down in the same chair I was perched on before I went up for my vaccine. Jan was already sitting, scrolling through the emails on her iPhone. So, I began doing the same. Without looking up I said, “I really enjoyed last night with you.”

No response.

“Dear, you didn’t answer me. I said I really enjoyed last night with you. Did you? I hope my muffins weren’t too hot for you.”

No response.

Just then, I looked up as the … Read the rest here

Living Retired — ‘Salad Queen Meets Muffin Man’

Living Retired — ‘Salad Queen Meets Muffin Man’

By Gary Chalk.

Over the years Jan and I have used different names that we affectionately call each other.

Some names I call Jan include ‘Dear,’ ‘Honey,’ and when I want to upset her ‘Janice.’

A few of the names Jan has called me include ‘Gary’ and well, hmmm, that’s pretty well it unless you include “Gary what the hell did you do that for?” Or “What were you thinking?” However, these names are so commonplace I don’t consider them special.

Last week we came up with some new names for each other. It happened as we were making a special dinner to celebrate our anniversary…

Jan was chopping vegetables for the salad when she suddenly proclaimed, “Gary, I like that I am the Salad Queen.”

Before I had a chance to respond with, “Janice what brought this on?” Alexa awoke and said, “Okay, playing ‘Dancing Queen.’”

‘Friday night and the lights are low, looking for a place to go, where they play the right music, getting in the swing, you come to look for king, anybody could be that guy.’

Just like that our kitchen was transposed into an Abba concert! … Read the rest here