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Posted by on Nov 14, 2022 in Do It Yourself home repair, Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Snoring |

Living Retired — ‘I Snooze I Lose’

Living Retired — ‘I Snooze I Lose’

Living Retired — ‘I Snooze I Lose’

By Gary Chalk.

Have you taken up the sport that is all the rage these days, pickleball? I haven’t. Instead, I am into another activity — snoring.

It began one morning a few months back when Jan said, “Gary, do you know you are snoring so much that I can’t sleep?”

“Jan how would I know I am snoring so much that it wakes you up? I am sleeping!”

The only proof Jan can provide that I snore are the bruises on my body from when she leans over and smacks me in the middle of the night. WHACK!

Stirring her coffee at breakfast, Jan said, “Gary, I am very sorry, but you are snoring like a freight train and the only way I can get your attention is to whack you.”

Massaging the welts on my ribs, I said, “Jan, I already stick one of those nasal strips on my nose. Maybe I should also wrap myself in bubble wrap so when you smack me I won’t bruise.”

“Gary don’t be silly. I am trying to have a serious conversation and you suggest coming to bed covered in bubble wrap! Besides, if … Read the rest here

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Posted by on Oct 30, 2022 in Do It Yourself home repair, fixing a toilet, Gary Chalk, Humor, humour, Retirement humor, Retirement Humour, Retirement Living |

Living Retired — ‘I Snooze I Lose’

Living Retired — ‘Bum Toilet’

By Gary Chalk.

I am not a home handyman, a fixer upper kind of guy. Never have been. I don’t have many work tools — although I still have all ten of my fingers. Perhaps this is because I don’t fix things. Sort of a chicken and egg thing, or a nail and hammer thing. This is what I mean…

If a light bulb needs to be replaced, I go to my seldom-visited workshop. On my little-used workbench I have a yellow plastic Toys ‘R Us ‘On the Go’ toy toolbox. Inside, I grab the red hammer with the fat bright blue handle. I like when the batteries are working and it makes a sound every time I smack something.

So when anything in our home needs to be repaired Jan insists that I call our friend Rick. She says flat out, “Gary, it is non-negotiable. Call Rick.”

“Gary, don’t you remember our wedding vows? You said when it came to home repairs ‘Through better or worse until death do us part to call Rick.’”

Over the years Rick has bailed me out with our home fix-it issues. One time it was dire! He dropped … Read the rest here

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