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Posted by on Sep 21, 2020 in Retirement Humour |

Living Retired #226- September 21, 2020

Living Retired #226- September 21, 2020

Living Retired: ‘The Slipper Saga’

Has Covid-19 impacted your household? Of course it has!

At our house, Jan doesn’t drive to work anymore. Instead of sitting at a cubicle at the university, she spends her day in her home office in front of a computer on Zoom — which means she can instantly recognize each of her coworkers by their nostrils! Just saying.

The biggest impact Covid-19 has had on me is my slippers. Here’s why…

Even before Covid-19 arrived last March my slippers were on their last legs (HA! HA!). When everyone drove like maniacs to Costco to hoard toilet paper, I topped up on mans other greatest invention — duct tape. A few wads of 3M silver wrapped around my slippers and I was good to go.

But then last week Jan had one of those ‘I don’t know why I put up with this’ moments. “Gary either your slippers go, or I go!”

At the slipper store I discovered slippers have become like everything else: ‘memory foam.’

Memory foam traces its roots back to the memory stick which was a way for computer geeks to allow computer idiots like me to back up our files. The trouble is even to this day I don’t know where to stick the memory stick… so to speak!

The memory stick led to the invention of the memory pillow which every idiot knows goes on top of — the memory mattress! However, when it comes to middle-age men’s memory — which goes waaay back to when the Leaf’s last won the Stanley Cup — women only wish their husbands would remember their nasal strip when they come to bed! Hey maybe that’s it — we need memory nasal strips!

Back at the slipper store I tried on memory foam slippers with indoor/outdoor rubber soles and plush faux fur. One pair were ‘medically designed’ — which means in America you’re charged a co-pay at the cash register; whereas in Canada you wait a year before you can have them.

But why stop there? Has anyone considered a memory iPhone? You wouldn’t have to call your phone and then run around the house when you lose it every day.

Or, imagine having a memory television remote. You wouldn’t have to hunt for the remote every time you want to see that there is nothing worth watching on your 500 cable channels.

How about a memory key fob?

Me? I’d settle for just plain old memory — whatever that is. I forgot.